Published July 13, 2008
I’m going to the dentist’s;
Oh what fun’s in store!
When they’re done with me, I swear I will
Be eating through a straw.
I almost wretch in remembrance;
The masks, the drills, the chair!
I shan’t imagine any more
Else I’ll tear out all my hair!
I can see the dentist’s
It’s dangerously near.
It’s a crying shame; I’ll miss my teeth
I hold them very dear.
I’m through the dentist’s door now
Teeth aching with suspense...
The nurse smiles (the sadist!)
The fear’s just too intense!
I’m in the chair, I see the drill
I’m shaking like a leaf,
So I smack the dentist in the face,
And now she needs false teeth.
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140,623 Literary Works • 673,565 Reviews
hey
this poem is funny 
it shows how almost everyone feels about going to the dentist 
i know that what your doing here is four verses in a stanza, but this really should be two seperate verses.i only have a few suggestions
also, if you are going to ryhme then you should rhyme throughout the whole poem. store and straw don't rhyme.
those are all of the tips i have for you on this poem. i really like the last stanza though
happy writing
Hey, Charliebo!
Ooer, I hate the dentist, too. @_@ All of those drills and things...blurgh.
Since this is more of a cutesy poem, I won't rail on you too much for attempting the rhyming scheme (which is crazy difficult and those who brave it long enough deserve medals), but I do think you should read some authors who are good at doing rhyme and rhythm--you can check out any number of kid's poets, like Silverstein or Prelutsky, to see good examples at how this is done. A few basic tips:
- Plan your rhyme scheme beforehand, and make sure that the words actually rhyme. Store and straw don't rhyme, or at least not in American English--if there's a huge discrepancy, it might be worth it just to pick different words.
- Keep a rhythm scheme, too. It sounds a lot better if all of the lines have the same number of syllables, or at least similar lines (that is, lines that don't rhyme and lines that do).
- Read about different types of structured poems. If you can't find a good how-to guide in a poetry book, you can always check the internet.
- Don't confine yourself to a certain point of view because you're trying to make it cute. A lot of humor is found in your own individual point of view--what do you think about the dentist? Striving to be original will make you a lot funnier than just going by what everyone else does all the time.
__
Thanks for the read, charliebo--definitely made me giggle. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or want me to take a look at something else. ^_^