Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
Anyway let's get right to it,
He crept up to the door and pushed very lightly, the door slowly creaked open. He cautiously observed the room; pitch black, eerily silent, uneasy feel and strong smell of… wait what was that smell? It seemed strangely familiar, a liquid-metal stench, the smell of… his eyes widened… blood…
Hmm...so this is a really short piece here, even by the standards this is really quite short and I do have to wonder exactly where you were planning to actually go with this here...cause it is a little bit hard to say. This sounds quite a bit unfinished like this is only the first paragraph of a much bigger piece, but well I will do my best to review based on what we've got right here.
Soo...the strongest part of this is the description, it really draws you and the way that you add these details slowly and only come to a conclusion about what we're seeing at the very end, it really makes it quite exciting as a reader..and with the inclusion of all of these auditory cues in addition to the imagery of the blood really makes that reveal there very powerful as a reader, you feel like you can almost smell it yourself. And then of course there are the implications of why and how someone is here exploring a random place that just so happens to smell of blood.
All in all, as a first paragraph this is quite effective, it will certainly grab your attention at any rate.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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