Published June 17, 2009
The rage it builds; it grows in size;
it claims emotions like a prize;
the dawn of day was yesterday
no time to slay; I didn't pay.
Forgotten things; an untold past;
defrosting wings now held here fast;
time to invade an inner slave;
to end charade, and all I played.
(what say you?)
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140,561 Literary Works • 673,435 Reviews
I don't have much to say...
I just like it...
Now most people don't realy focus that much if a poem is too long and dismiss it as being bad if it's too short. Yours was a little on the short side considering what you were writing about aka I would have loved for their to be another stanza cause it rocked. I particularly liked the first one but maybe that might be because I know pretty much what your meaning. Nice image of the wings in the second stanza and yeah, twas good. Well done
hello there =)
I really liked your poem. It flows perfectly, seriously- awesome rhythm =)
I just have one little nitpick-
line one:
It would look much better like: "The rage- it builds" or: "The rage: it builds" or something, you know? Just a suggestion
Oh, and one more (sorry)
That line was a little repetitive. "The dawn of day"... You might want to substitute something else for day, because, well, if there's a dawn, it's obviously gonna be in the day.
Oh, and just one more, I promise!
um last line (I don't feel like quoting it lol) on the first paragraph... You didn't pay for what??
But I really loved the last paragraph, though. You have so much talent!
-ash