Hello, Steggy here for a short review!
The title of this chapter caught my attention and decided to just check it out. What I like about the beginning is you first start off with action. This can give the reader something to look forward to. It holds the right amount of imagery and not too much that can overdose the reader. Though, I do like the beginning, there is something I like to mention.
The sound of boots resounded against the floor. Three people walked in, cautiously.
"Resounded" doesn't sound like the correct verb for this sentence. I like "echoed" or something similar and the next sentence doesn't feel quite right when it is by itself so perhaps have it connected to the next sentence by a comma.
The action apart feels a bit flushed; what I mean by it doesn't escalate quickly enough for it to actually be an action part. Though, this is the beginning of the supposed action part, you do make a nice recovery. When the MC first kills the man, I think that was the rising point of this chapter.
It dissipated as started to run towards the man, sending out my strands and yanking his gun from his grip.
Would there be an "I" in front of started?
"Alright then. Warn me next the you're going to delay your shields though." I said with a small smile.
An easy mistake I noticed in here would be "the" should be "time".
He returned it before speaking.
What did he return? I don't think you mentioned what he did do beforehand so I'm a bit confused by that.
As a suggestion, re-read over your writing. You can find errors before you publish it like missing adverbs or wrong use of verbs.
The ending is suspenseful and I want to know what is going to happen. What is the mission they had to complete? I think you might explain more onto this later on but you should give hints along the way, as the novel progresses. If you publish another chapter, could you let me know? Thanks!
Overall, this was an enjoyable read. Your dialogue was a bit slow at first but, much like the action part, you moved up. If you have any questions, let me know!
Steggy
Points: 25891
Reviews: 279
Donate