The first song: Dreams of A Broken World

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

It is a beautiful city; one grown so vast that it has swallowed whole kingdoms and empires the way a star would swallow an asteroid. Tall, pristine buildings of varying color -but mostly with shades of white, grey, blue and gold- soar off into the skies. Lush, verdant gardens and forests dot the landscape as bright flowers of many shapes and sizes sweeten the air with their fragrances. Along the many streets that run the length and breadth of the city, brutish four-footed creatures of steel and plastic stand sentinel as the lower mortals, the maju, go about their everyday lives, safe in the knowledge that the shinju watch over them all.

And at the heart of Draconia, a lone tower of colossal size stands. From its summit, a radiant beam strikes at the heavens like an accusing finger; an ever-present reminder to the people of the city of the power that kept the lands afloat in the sky. In an ancient tongue, this tower is called The Dragon’s Nest.

It is here that the King of All Dragons, Bahamut the Ageless, resides with his cohorts. It is from here that the Nine, the shinju, govern a paradise of their crafting from an age long since forgotten.

A paradise that is fated to collapse.

Howdy, I'm Rubric, and given the relative brevity of your piece I'll jump right to it.

"It is a beautiful city; one grown so vast that it has swallowed whole kingdoms and empires"

I guess they could be small kingdoms, but given that we actually have cities with populations of this size on Earth, right now, it seems that this is an overestimation of size given the listed population, unless the city is functionally abandoned.

"the way a star would swallow an asteroid"
On one level this is functional, the analogy describes scale in a way that is coherent with the previous phrase. The problem is that a star swallows an asteroid by being hit with it, which I assume isn’t the case here. You could consider something along the lines of “like a drop of rain swallowing condensation as it runs down a pane of glass". There’s still the sense of movement, but it describes the expansion of the city, rather than the movement of a kingdom.

"the maju"
Should this be capitalised?

"In an ancient tongue, this tower is called The Dragon’s Nest."
I enjoyed this line immensly because it invokes a previous history without oversimplifying it or dwelling on it for too long. Just right.

"Bahamut the Ageless"
Interesting choice. Are you a Dungeons and Dragons fan, or just well-read?

"the Nine"
I imagine that their title is “The Nine” rather than “nine”, so both words should be capitalised, or neither should be.

This reads as more of an interesting concept than an introduction. It introduces the immensity of the plot, and some of the powers at play, but not any character I’d feel comfortable with as a protagonist. Even so I’d enjoy reading this as a more fleshed out piece, so let me know on my wall if you’d like me to take a look.

Hope this was helpful,
Rubric

Hey there! This review, like any, should be taken wit a grain of salt. Because your story has very few actual technical errors, these are more my opinion of better wordings or ways to make it more hooking. So if you don't like something I say, no worries -- you don't have to listen!


Any and all changes or additions, such as a mark change or a word switch, go inside [ ]

Any suggestions go inside [ ]

Deleted items have an [x] in its place

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Draconia, population[x] 24 million and shrinking. Dwelling place of the Nine Dragons [of what? Of ancient lore? Of the great war of fire? I think a little tag here would add a lot of drama].
[x][A] beautiful city; one [so furiously] grown [and] so vast that it has swallowed whole kingdoms and empires the way a star would swallow an asteroid. Tall, pristine buildings of varying color -but mostly [various pastel whites and blues and golds] [x] -- soar off into the skies. Lush, verdant gardens and [groves] dot the landscape as [flowers of all types] sweeten the air with their [wafting] fragrances.
[Add paragraph>] [And a]long the many streets that run the length and breadth of the city, brutish four-footed creatures of steel and plastic [plastic? Do you mean plaster? This world, from the sounds of it, likely doesn't even have plastic] stand sentinel as the lower mortals, the maju, go about their everyday lives, safe in the knowledge that the shinju watch over them all.
[And amidst the beauty of bustle lay] the heart of Draconia, a lone tower of colossal [proportions]. From its summit, a radiant beam strikes at the heavens like an accusing finger [nice image there]; an ever-present reminder to the people of the city of the power that kept the lands afloat in the sky [a bit confused here, as I don't know which lands you refer to. But I trust that it is clarified in the story]. In an ancient tongue, this tower is called The Dragon’s Nest [what is the city's actual name, though?].
It is here that the King of All Dragons, Bahamut the Ageless, resides with his cohorts. It is from here that the Nine [Dragons], the shinju, govern a paradise of their crafting from an age long since forgotten.
A paradise that is fated to collapse.

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Dramatic! Wow. Okay, I want to start off with saying that you had an elegant and addicting flow of words going on here -- it's a style of old fantasy mixed with more familiar terminology to create an intimate but fantastical style of story. And you avoid the mistake made by so many fantasy writers these days -- losing their attention in a vast sea of strange words! Shinju and maju -- simple, easy to remember, and while rhyming they are distinct from one another. Shinju, the dragon guardians, and Maju, presumably the mortal civilians of their city. I applaud you, as I was able to type that out without reference. It's never a good thing when the reader has to go back and review to figure out what is what.

Now, as for errors, there are no technical ones. I would, as a personal preference, suggest you not capitalize things such as "King of All Dragons" or "Nine Dragons." It seems a tad over the top as far as titles are concerned, but again, that's personal preference. I know a lot of people who really go for that stuff, and it gives effect to the writing.

Second! Separate your paragraphs a bit more! You did well not falling for the demon of "wall of text," but you still should slice it up a tad more. Even just one more paragraph separation would make this little snippet vastly less intimidating. I put my suggestion in the writing. But really, this isn't a huge problem. I would put double spaces between each paragraph to further chop it up into easier portions. My review is actually chopped up in the fashion I suggest for you; just double spaces.

Powerful, creative imagery. Crafting a paradise; a city growing and swallowing others; buildings that soar off into the skies. It's intriguing and refreshing.

But finally, you got me hooked. And I mean, bad. It's been forever since I read a good dragon story. Be ready for me to totally stalk your progress on the story and edit. I'm new here, but I'll figure out a way to follow your updates.

Good work. I enjoyed it.