we sit and calmly watch the future pass us by,
slip through a crack in the pavement
and fade to nothingness in the darkness.
you smoke, i twist my ring around my finger.
sometimes when i am alone, i find myself
holding my breath just to see if i really
need all that oxegen.
we drink away our fear of failure
on friday nights in homes with shiny cars in the driveway
and rose printed curtains in the air-freshened rooms.
i help you clean the beer cans up
and hide them alley ways, let you touch me in the corner.
sometimes when i am alone,
i smash photo frames and mirrors and glasses
and use the glass to cut the skin
between my fingers, just to see what
colour the blood is
you write your philosophies on the garden
furniture and on beer mats that we leave
lying on street corners. we watch the moon
and talk a lot of shit.
we get by.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
and people say that some of my work has creeped them out.
I like it and it has powerful imagery
good job!!!
the crack in the pavement stuff is so cool..... I found myself wishing I had written this creation
lexy xxxx
This was good,Well done!
The forth para's ending without a puntuation,(i mean it needed one) and the fifth para needed some more puntuation.
The second para
Spelling error-oxygen.This para in italics was really something to emphasize on.Nice thinking.
Keep writing!
-Ani.
Good work! You always have great imagery it seems. I love the variation in the images, very memory-like, and the way they give the reader such a feel for what you're describing without you ever having to say it outright. I like the way everything comes together, nothing is out of setting, drifting away from character. Good ending, too.