i love you
and i thought loving you guaranteed
the happy fairytale ending
i imagined us going to bad movies laughing
at how ridiculous it was
feeling superior to the people who genuinely enjoyed
secretly planning to rent it later
we would spend entire days
chain smoking on the veranda
while you played guitar
played for me
i imagined how it would feel
to have your lips on the private part of my neck
and feel your hands dipping between my thighs
you would take me on adventures
take me to hollywood and let me design your tattoo
i would make you come to disneyland
and start fights
just to make up
i imagined what it would be like
to be wound into the tapestry of your life
i was so excited
it never occured to me
that love might only go one way
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
I liked it, and ...for somewhat I can relate. Keep it up and work your work more thru.
- Ri
eh, honestly i don't even remember sending ths poem in and it was yesterday. i wasn't exactly...
thinking straight.
so i apologize deeply.
i agree, but i liked the fairytale idea, and i think you should definitely include more continuation on it, as i think the poem doesn't tell you why things aren't going right.
Didn't like it. It was way to straight forward. Why put fairy tale in the title if you won't expand on that metephore? Draw on fairy tales to show us how you feel. Use more figuretive language. Give us images, not just sentences. This was more like a letter you would send to this person you are talking to rather than a poem about him.