Remember how it felt?
That missed a step,
turbulence in the airplane,
smiling alone on the bus
feeling?
So simple. We were headed
for the Ever After. It was just -
You and Me and Sunsets
and No You Hang Up First!
Endless giggles in dark corners,
can't get enough of your kiss.
But somewhere, we got lost.
Small bitternesses building.
You tried to explain calmly.
I felt attacked.
I tried to give us some space.
You saw me giving up.
There was no passionate war
or crying in the rain. Just
a slow deterioration.
I felt ugly when I saw your
broken heart in your eyes.
No return. It became
You're Being So Difficult,
Stop Trying To Hold My Hand.
and
Do Something With Your Life,
Get Some New Shoes.
Unspoken resentment made the air
between us too heavy.
The accusations were silently made
by the way you squeezed your eyes.
I had to run from the sound
of hearts screaming.
But please, try remember how it felt,
Before everything that came between.
And please, block out the static
and just
Hold on to that feeling.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Mmm, yeah it feels like after the new shoes bit i just kind of lost the flow. I suppose I don't know how to end the poem because I don't know how it ends in real life? Anyway, some help with reworking the ending would be really great, i'm a little stuck (sorry to post on my own work!)
Ok i liked the start of this, the whole No giggling down the phone bit was good and original. But i didn't like the end. You kept the whole thing original until the end and it dissapointed me
the ending is just a typical 'break up' poem ending 
... sorry that just might be me thinking it!)
Anyway, back to what i liked:
Endless giggles in dark corners,
can't get enough of your kiss.
- that, its sweet and somewhat secretive, it works well.
and...
Do Something With Your Life,
Get Some New Shoes.
-Made me laugh the new shoes bit, it reminds me of something i would say to an ex.
Anyway yes, well done! It flows well and its great ( apart from the ending
Meevs
x