Young Writers Society

This poem has good potential but the rythem was bad so didn't flow at all (Which ruins it for me) I didn't really like the way you repeated

"*Blank* is to hide these feelings, "

and

"for time to stand still"

It reminded more of a song then a poem. And then theirs also that kind of poem where you take the first line and use it for the 4th line and the second line and use it for the 3d line (Or something like that) is that a portronam? But it also reminded me of that, and I think it might be a little more intresting and maybe have so more struture if you used that format. I'll get back to you on what thats called.

But I think it was a good poem, the words you used to describe your feelings I think are very good. i.e Sour Bitter.

Well everything is covered by the others.

I liked the poem it was quite simple and easy to read (flowed well). The repetition of the style of the poem e.g. Bitter is to..., sweet is to... etc was a really great technique to use and kept the poem together.

okay, writersdomain got here first, so it's pretty much covered, but i would cut out this line from the second stanza:

for time to stand still

and aching for time to stand still

My thoughts on this poem echo those above. You have a decent start and I liked the form in which you wrote, but your rhythm was choppy, some of lines seemed half-hearted and not as powerful as they could be.

Bitter is to taste you leaving,
sweet is to have you closer.
Sour is to hide these feelings,
and acking (?) for time to stand still

Hard is to say the words,
easy is to be just friends.
Painful is to hide these feelings,
and yet again soothing,
for time to stand still

Killing is to see you loose,
not in these arms
for this is a weakling,
too weak to show truth

Hey, this was OK. I believe you meant "aching" in the last line of the first stanza and "painful" in the third line of the second stanza. I think you need to expand on this. Give examples and go into detail more. This can be a very deep topic (trust me; I know). Definitely edit this. You've got a good base, though. Keep writing.

-*-*--Diana--*-*-

Yeah, I felt this one attempted to have a rhythm but sort of stumbled over it at times. There were a few good word choices, such as

"Painfull is to hide these feelings,
and yet again soothing"

a nice equivocation. I'd spend some time editing the heck out of this; it could be good some day.