I couldn’t wait to see you
Nine months I had waited;
Waited to love you more,
But what I had waited for left…
And left with a hurry..
The day you came
Was the day you left us.
That sad day became a happy day,
The rainbow came;
Came with a promise,
And with that promise came patience.
When the rainbow shone,
It was a sign;
A sign I’d see you again
And I know I will love you.
Still waiting to see you
I’ll wait a little longer,
Still miss you
Still love you.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Haha yeah, i lost the file i saved it on lol
Thanks..Ill change it straight away!
You posted it! Yay! I really like this poem. Very touching. I like the rhythm you used into this. Also, there's a part you don't need a comma at.
Remove the comma between "will" and "love" also, since it's an on-going sentence, don't capitalize the "L" in "love"
Other than that, good job! Keep up the good work.
-Rick.
Hey , thanks for the comments.
i do agree that the rainbow part can be confusing, there is a story behind it though. try to think of it from a religious perspective if you get what i mean ?
=]
Thanks for the help x
Wow. This poem is really touching. It's sad though. I'm sorry this happened to you..
I liked the way your words flowed. Good job!
-Kat =]
its a sad peom. I am sorry this happened to you. But its a lovely poem. ^_^
From what I can see, you had a brother that died at birth I suppose. You formed your clues in a very nice, poetic way which was clever than outright saying, "Yeah, I had a brother that died when he was born..."
I like your use of repetition:
"And I know I will, Love you.
Still waiting to see you
I’ll wait a little longer,
Still miss you
Still love you."
The "Still love you" gives effect to the overall message which is cliche, but when is it ever NOT the message of a poem? But the rainbow thing... you should have used a different word. Rainbow's do represent happiness and joy in a sense, so this poem is confusing. You're baby brother died and you're comparing this day to a rainbow.. And when you say, "I'll wait a little longer" what does that mean? You'll see him when you get up to heaven, too? Elaborate, even if you have to be subtle. You're leaving the reader in the dark a lot of this poem.
Keep writing! You're pretty good!