The novel I want to attempt is a Paranormal Romance. Most of the books I read have a lot to do with vampires (which is fine!) but I want to do something different. What I had in mind was a mix between werewolves and supernatural powers sort of. One of my main characters is a girl named Kai. She has the ability to control the elements but she doesn't quite have a hand on it. She has a short temper which causes the elements to overpower her. She's an orphan who had no one to take care of her and she doesn't know much about her history. She doesn't tell people about her "gift" because she feels like a freak. She can't even tell her best friend Vanessa. She ends up meeting a guy named Draven. He's part of an Indian tribe in her small town and he is a bit of a dare devil and short tempered himself. He's also an orphan along with his sister Clover. He has trouble expressing his feelings to people until he meets Kai. She understands him and brings out the best in him. But he has a secret too. He's a werewolf, the leader of his pack. I want to add some conflict with them in the beginning then they gradually start to fall in love, but I don't know?? I'm just thinking this doesn't make any sense!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
My turn. Note that I am a critical reader, and a bit of a cynic. So Don't take anything that I say to be too damning or anything, it's just how I process. WITH RAW HATRED (ok not really)
Paranoamal romance is a genre that's absolutely over-saturated anymore and it's very hard for anyone to really stand out. Not that it's impossible, just that you really have to put some work into it to make it shine amongst the rest.
So I'm just gonna jump right in and be a big meanie
I dislike your names. Kai. Draven. Clover. They make me feel like the target audience is angsty teenagers. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. I'm just saying that its definitely the target audience and I hope that's what you want.
Immediately, I feel disconnected to these characters just based solely on their names. Given that names like Draven typically mean things like "child of beautiful shadows", "The Raven", or "Avenger". (maybe i just look too hard into things like that though.) Not telling you to change them, if you wanna go with that then OWN IT and do it AWESOME. But just know that its a hard envelope to push.
First thing I know about your main character, Angsty Orphan who has super powers but she's afraid to tell anyone because she feels like a freak.
Secondary main character, Edgy dare devil with a short temper ALSO AN Orphan child also with super powers and is probably melodramatic becuase he just 'cant express his feelings'.
Immediately, you're thrown out any potential family drama or anything like that. You've isolated two characters (aside from a friend and a sibling) from the world as outcasts. REALLY pushing for that middleschool crowd of readers. It's very cliche, and way over done. It's very 'nobody can understand us cuz we're so different and we are meant for eachother becuase we are the only two who understand eachother' and it feels very forced. And from what I know, getting involved with indian reservations isn't as simple as walking in and saying 'lol whats up?' so it all seems a bit too easy?
My point being that the idea is super typecasted and cliche to the extreme. the pair feels like they're being forced together because of their oddities rather than their mutual interest in one another. Try going somewhere with their interactions rather than their super powers to make them fall in love, or even meet in initially.
Your back story for Kai basicaly is 'im an orphan with super powers and i don't know much about my past' which either makes her A. looking for her past, or B. looking toward a brighter future, or C. being filled with anger and hate. I don't see much else coming from that character, unless you give her some very interesting motivations that shake her up a bit. Otherwise, she just feels like shoes for a basic average teenage girl to fill with her own 'i feel so alone in the world so i can totally relate to this' personality. Remember, there is NOTHING wrong with a strongly motivated teenage girl, even if she does have some back story issues she doesn't have to be an empty slate for a reader to just throw themselves into. Give her strong purpose or something like that as opposed to just letting her happen to walk into a world of werewolves. Make her best friend turn on her or have serious family issues or something (just throwing out ideas) that conflict with Kai's life and give purpose to her story. Make Draven and Clover more important to their tribe, or give Clover some sort of disability or an illness or a really bad personality trait or something along those lines to spice up their relationship. Maybe she's being married off to some other tribe?
Bullet points
*Make your characters relatable to more than just angsty 14 year olds, even if you don't make major changes to their character just be sure to include a more human side to them as well that more people can identify with.
*Flesh our Kai, give her some bad habits or strong personality points instead of just a generic sad back story. And her powers seem very vague. 'elemental powers' is a bit broad of a spectrum. I advise giving her smaller powers, or having her level up through the series. Make her bad at one thing and good at another. stuff like that.
*Be sure to let your romance happen naturally rather than throwing two characters into a lions den and forcing them to work together.
*If you're going to use the Tribe as a backbone for your love interest's back story then be sure to involve them HEAVILY. Politics, social stuff, even parental figures that play a key role in the development of the siblings are all solid ways to give conflict, emotional support, resolution and being able to relate to their issues all wrapped into one.
Don't make it all feel incredibly contrived. You could take this borderline Twilight fan fic and turn it into something fantastic with a little creativity, but remember that you will still need to stand out in an ocean of very similar stories.
Again, don't hate me if you feel like I'm harsh. I just try to take a direct approach and I mean no harm by it
Good luck, and most importantly keep writing.
First of all, before I read this, just so you're aware there's a forum where you can post these kinds of things. I'm feeling guilty about probably going to post two things in the Green Room today though, so I'm going to review it anyway to save it from the Green Room anyway
This is something that has been done before (it's essentially the entire Druid class in Dungeons and Dragons) but you're probably right in that it's far from the stereotype of current paranormal romance.
I think the main thing you need to keep in mind here is to make sure that the fact that it's paranormal actually makes a difference to the characters' lives. So, in my novel, I like tennis, so I decided to write about two tennis players who fall in love. However, this could become very pointless and self-indulgent if I don't go into how playing against your boyfriend in a grand slam final can affect a guy's mind. Similarly, you just need to make sure that the paranormal existences of your characters is something central to their characters and the experience that they have.
The place where ideas are normally pitched is viewforum.php?f=124.
Hope this helps,
Biscuits
Yo.
You asked for a review and decided to fly right in and see if I can help. (Didn't even take a plane or nothing. Just flew right in. I do that on weekends.)
Paranormal Romance, eh? Not gonna lie, that genre has been used quite frequently as of late, what with everyone trying to chase after that glorious teen angst money. But, does that mean that this genre is off limits? Of course not. That would be like saying I can't write fantasy because J.K. Rowling got that covered. Originality is key.
So that's my first recommendation. I won't bore you with my usual disclaimer but let's just say I am not the best at wording things, so I hope anything doesn't come off wrong.
Your story is, from the description you gave here, a little cliche. It has many of the familiar tropes in many of the usual places. Is this the end of the world? No, of course not. With some minor adjustments, a story can go from being a Twilight rework to a piece that makes Meyers work look juvenile. All it takes is planning and utilizing tools.
I am going to start unpacking your outline a bit here. Don't take anything I say personally. I'm a nice guy. Honest.
I don't know how much experience you have had writing so I will try to go sort of down the middle when it comes to things you may or may not know.
1) Your character backstory is a little generic. The orphan part does away with any potential family drama, and you want to make sure there is enough backstory to give Kai motivations, likes, dislikes, a history, and all that.
2) Flesh out Kai from the get go. Here is how I flesh my characters out. When I was first starting out, I wrote down everything I thought people should know about me. What I looked like, what my likes and dislikes were, important things in my life, what I like to do, who my friends are, etc., etc. Now, every time I write a new character, I do the exact same thing for them. By the end, my characters feel like real people instead of imaginary creations. (My dad loves when I call them "real people". He is so proud.)
3) See if you can change around some of the plot elements a little to make them a bit different from standard tropes. If you need any help, I would be glad to offer some, but at this point, it is your story, so I wouldn't want to presume.
4) Weak Points. Every character has got to have them. They make things interesting. My advice, just from reading this outline, is to narrow Kai's abilities down a little. "Elemental" encompasses a lot. You can, of course, leave it the same, to which my advice would be to figure out what she can and cannot do.
5) Be careful with the "freak" thing. It's really common and not too subtle. There are other ways of showing a person is insecure (the saddest people hide behind the biggest smiles or something like that is a nice twist).
Romance:
Ah, love. Some writers excel at it; some think they excel at it, and others (including yours truly) know they suck at it. But I can tell you what I like to see in a romance and what I appreciate.
So many authors think that the only way to get their love interests to interact is to force them together in awkward and uncomfortable ways. After all, why would that super hot jock talk to the quiet, reserved girl without something strange or bizarre happening? However, this is not the case. People can fall in love just through everyday actions. In the normal world, people don't come running to put themselves in the way of oncoming cars just to show devotion; they do it in their ordinary day-to-day activities. I recommend that you don't try to force conflict on your characters but rather but them in typical situations where they might meet and interact without making things seem weird or out of place. In a book about superpowered people and werewolves, a traditional love story actually can make for a nice contrast.
However, if you do want some drama, make it realistic and relatable. Too often authors rely on outside forces to create tension in the relationship. An evil villain is trying to kill one of the lovers, a jealous ex, wants to break them up, etc., etc. To me, the best drama in a relationship comes from the inside. Nothing puts a strain on a relationship like trying to rectify different views on things (seriously, go to Home Depot. You will see what I am talking about). Your characters should not agree on everything. Yes, they care for each other, but do they both really think a brass sink is a sound investment? Showing this internal tension and also showing that they love each other despite their disagreements, well that goes beyond just puppy love.
Some authors incorrectly assume that if they make their central relationship anything less than perfect then it is pointless and it is not even a romance at all. The best relationships to me are ones that combine internal tension, such as a difference in view, and external stress.
Example: A villain forces Love Interest A to betray the other unknowingly. The betrayal causes a rift. Because they love each other, Love Interest B is devasted and goes through a range of emotions, guilt, anger, hatred, sadness. However, once Love Interest A they learn they betrayed Love Interest B, they do everything they can to change or fix what they have done. The two eventually forgive each other, and all is well. This emotional rift showed the reader the depth of emotions Love Interest A and B had for each other without ever having to make it seem awkward or cheesy.
Alright. So that is where I'm going to end for the time being. I hope you found this long incoherent babble somewhat useful.
I am always available and if you want any more help, feel free to ask. If you want me to go even more in depth with advice, I would be more than happy to do that too.
Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you as you embark on this writing journey.
Cheers,
Jimmy
I forgot to say.
GOOD LUCK WRITING MY FRIEND!
Can you explain this a little more for me??
4) Weak Points. Every character has got to have them. They make things interesting. My advice, just from reading this outline, is to narrow Kai's abilities down a little. "Elemental" encompasses a lot. You can, of course, leave it the same, to which my advice would be to figure out what she can and cannot do.
And this is honestly my first time wanting to actually go through with writing a novel. I had some short stories I wrote when I was younger but threw them away because I didn't think they were good enough.
That is good! Everyone starts somewhere!
What I meant by "weak points" is that every character needs flaws. The more powerful the main hero is, the more glaring his/her fault needs to be. Flaws can be personality-wise although in this case, I recommend her having a cap on her powers. What can she do when she is in control? What can she do when she is not in control? What exactly do you mean when you say "Elemental"? That kind of thing. Figure out her limits and then exploit them to make her grow and become a better person. You don't want to wind up with a character that has the power of the Old Testament God and no flaws. You end up with a Mary Sue. (Making a character a Mary Sue is a common trap for writers. It def was for me starting out.)
Also, if you want me to work with you more on this as you get more and more done, let me know. I usually like focusing on an entire project then doing just a chapter here and there, so let me know if that is something you are interested in.
Cheers,
jimmy
I guess what I mean when I say elemental is being able to manipulate Earth, Fire, Air, Water, and Spirit. Cheesy, I know. At first I was going to give her two different powers. The controlling of the elements and being able to read peoples energy, like be able to know when their angry, sad, happy, etc. But I think that's just too much for one person. I'm starting to second guess on the werewolf thing too. I do see the point that there are A LOT of books out now with mostly vampires and werewolves. I'm just not sure.
There is a giant gallery of paranormal creatures to choose from other than werewolves. I would say explore a little and see. If you don't find one you like, you should create your own!
The element might be a little too on the nose for powers. At least from where I'm sitting. I like the emotional one though. Combine that with something like her being able to change people's emotional state and that would make for some very interesting scenarios. (Like she occasionally changes people without her knowing it or they change in the opposite direction of how she wants them to go. Something Like that.) That would make for an interesting addition to a possible romance too.