Published October 15, 2010
When I peel back your skin,
I'd better not see your heart whimper with complacency.
I need somebody with an electrical socket embedded in their skull,
and whose dreams are plugged into the air so hard
that they have cracked the sky's azure veneer and revealed her pink belly.
Basically, I am tired, don't want to do my English paper, and thought I'd post this online. I don't know how this site works... but I really like criticism, so feel free to tell me what you hate.
Peace.
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140,590 Literary Works • 673,544 Reviews
This is great. So many interesting pictures. Robotic yet squirmy and fleshy... I like this. It feels like the future.
I like the juxtaposition of a smooth clear sky having a jiggly pink belly. it was unusual and i liked it! unusual phrases are always a cool thing. Over all, it wasn't noteworthy... but that one line was better than the rest.
Uh... It was good, I won't deny that, but it was so dark. The only line a actually didn't like was
Not sure I quite understood that... also there were lots of words that I'm not sure anyone knows the meaning to... like azure. Maybe I'm just not that smart.Anyway, it was good so keep on... not doing your English.
Smashles