Prologue
In the small study, only the sound of a quill scrawling over parchment and the rain thundering down against the roof tiles and the stone paved street could be heard.
It was evident that the study had been occupied for many years. Documents rose up from the desk, and the bookshelf in the corner had been crammed with books of varying sizes. A small oil lamp hung overhead, swaying slightly. An old, withering man sat in the cushioned chair behind the desk, both were simple and sturdy, made from a dark wood.
A gentle knock came from the door.
“Enter”.
The door opened, and in walked a girl of perhaps fourteen years of age. The withering man looked up, and a twinkle appeared in his eye.
“Anyi! Sit down, sit down, what is it you’ve come for? Did you finish the report I gave you?” The man barraged her with a string of questions, setting the quill and parchment aside, forgotten. He got up and shuffled over to the small table set into the wall, and began boiling an iron kettle.
“No, uncle, I didn’t. I actually came to ask a few questions about it.” Anyi said, sitting down. She bent down and drew a stack of papers out of a leather bag with a shining silver clasp. Setting them down on the table, she shuffled through them, eyeing the papers with doubt. She began picking through the pages, drawing some out and setting them into a small pile.
The man looked over his shoulder at the small stack, puzzled.
“Questions, eh?” The man chuckled. “I’m afraid I only found this story recently, myself. Still go on, perhaps I can help you tie it together”.
For a moment, Anyi flicked through the small stack.
“It’s not that I can’t tie the pieces together- I’ve actually made good strides in that already. It’s just...” She sighed and set the last paper down in dismay. “I can’t find the beginning”.
For a moment, the only noise was the patter of the rain and the shrill wail of the kettle.
Then, the man threw back his head and laughed.
“The beginning!”
Anyi sat there with a bemused and slightly annoyed look painted across her face.
“Y-yes.” She said, barely holding her composure as the man’s laugh continued.
At last, the man’s laughter died down, and he sat at the table. He began shuffling through the papers, still chuckling, as if he had recalled a joke, and muttering “The beginning!”
“I don’t understand”, Anyi said watching with disapproval as the carefully organised stack of papers began to unfold before her. “What is it you find amusing?”
The man looked at her as if she was mad.
“Why, Anyi, I thought better of you then that! You must rid yourself of the illusion of beginnings and endings! Such things are best reserved for children’s stories and fairy tales”.
“Uncle, I’ve told you before that I don’t believe in your philosophy. We exist to record history. People expect history to be told in chronological order”. She sighed at the mess of stray documents that had become of her recordings.
“For once, can you just tell me where the story begins?”
The old man smiled.
“Well, let’s see here”, He said, glancing over one of the documents. “Perhaps it begins here”, he said, passing the news clipping over to Anyi.
Anyi looked at the fragment and frowned. “The assassination of Queen Derelain?”
The old man nodded, then handed her another. “Or perhaps here?”
“The skirmish at Knight’s stand?” She looked more puzzled than ever.
The man smiled and leaned back in his chair. “Or perhaps it began fifty years ago, in a small fort by the Sea of mists. Or a hundred years from now, when this shop is long replaced by a grand mansion. Or perhaps just one year ago, as the refugees came in from Mystilin”. The twinkle in his eye shone brighter than ever. “Or perhaps we are the beginning of this story”.
Anyi sighed. “I suppose it was too much to expect a straight answer.”
The old man grinned. “Perhaps once we piece through this story, it will serve as a lesson to you. Now then! Where do you want to start?
Authors Notes-
Hey there! I welcome you all to a new series (My first on this website) I hope you enjoy it and stick with me, I'll be uploading a new chapter at least once or twice a week, although I'll attempt to get a schedule up soon. It's going to be a slow starter, but I have some big plans.
Happy Writing!
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Catalyst,
I loved this c:
I found it absolutely full of wamrth and cuteness, mostly because I have a fondness for stories that begin as if around a campfire or in this case, oil lamp inside what I pictured as a cozy home, with the Princess Bride-esque framing approach of an old man telling stories c: It gives me such comforts and nostalgia for childhood.
I also enjoyed the meta factor, I can definitely sense that old man winking at ME personally as a reader when he got to the "perhaps this story begins with us" which was also a lovely touch to that framing device, like not only did I get to partake in stories, but also in a shared joke, heh.
Very engaging!
~ as always, Audy
Oh, thankyou! This little prologue takes me back, I think it was one of the first things I made here.
Thanks for the kind words as always!
Oh! I was reading on mobile and came across "Gods are Gone" and somehow missed that it was a part one
I wound up clicking at the top of your submitted works and came to this piece, haha. Well. I guess I'm just reading both pieces then! c:
I like what you have so far. It's a great introduction to your story, leaving plenty unsaid to continue on. It does however give a few pieces of information, which add to the questions the reader has once reading it.
Your characters are good, and I love the name Anyi. You seem to have portrayed them well, giving them enough of a character to last a whole prologue without becoming simple a plot point. There's the classic sense of pupil and teacher, which I think you meant there to be, which is shown nicely, without it being too overdone.
There are a few points that I felt didn't seem quite right. This section: "'Anyi! Sit down, sit down, what is it you’ve come for? Did you finish the report I gave you?' The man barraged her with a string of questions.." didn't seem to work for me, as it doesn't really feel as if there are as many questions in the speech as the description suggests. It doesn't also feel right in portraying the man, as to me he doesn't act like this later on. Of course, this might only be personal opinion, but it didn't seem right when I first read it.
The ending seems a little abrupt as well, although I do like it. Perhaps join the "now then!" and the question together, as that's the way I find I'm reading it, despite your punctuation marks. And you forgot the final speech mark, which is bothering me quite a bit!
Overall, a great prologue that makes me want to read the rest of the story! I look forward to the rest! Hopefully I've been some help and my comments aren't just personal preferences, and good luck with the rest of the novel. Can't wait!
Hey there, thank-you very much for the review!
It was really helpful, I'm glad you liked the story. The point about the "barrage of questions" is very valid, and it's something I noticed myself when reading over it. In the end, I decided not to change it, but I see what you mean, and thanks for pointing it out! As for the last part, I'll fix that as soon as I can.
If your interested in reading on, Chapters 1 and 2 have already been released, so feel free to have a read, and if you feel like it, leave a review!
Happy Writing!
Hey Catalyst-
I realize this is only your Prologue when I say that I was slightly confused up until the end. The characters names are interesting and I would like to read more.
As already mentioned by several people there were a few spaces where the tenses did not particularly agree. And at the end where Anyi said "I suppose it was too expect a straight answer." It needs "much" in there to create, "I suppose it was too much to expect a straight answer."
Also "Sea of mist," should that be "Sea of Mist," because it is a noun.
Other than that I enjoyed reading this and look forward to your first chapter.
Thanks for the response!
I'm not sure what it was that confused you in particular, so if you could elaborate that would be much appreciated. Also, I'll be fixing some of the discrepancies in grammar as soon as I can. Thanks for taking the time out of your day!
Hey there! I'm here for a quick review.
I love seeing people start new novels. They're such a huge project, but once you finish one, it's such a huge achievement, and it'll really help your writing overall. It's so exciting, and I really hope you'll be able to continue and even complete this.
On to the review! Overall, I don't see too many problems with this - what you've got is nice and strong. You seem to have a good sense of both characters, and I like how clear the differences in their thought processes are.
There's only one main problems - the scene feels incomplete. It was a very abrupt ending. I was just getting ready to learn more about this story and the world it takes place in. I can tell it takes place in the past, but is it on Earth or is it fantasy? I couldn't tell from this prologue and I probably should be able to tell. But just as you're starting that, the scene stops, and it felt jarring.
However, you probably don't want to include the man and the girl going through all the different parts of the story, since that amount of infodumping would probably overwhelm your reader. Instead, I'd recommend skipping over that period of time to the part where the girl either finally figures it out or gives up trying for now. Then you could show her leaving and give us some insight into the rest of the world around her and stuff about her life.
Of course, that might not work with your plot, since this is a prologue and often those don't (at first) seem to connect to a main plot. However, you still should expand this scene. Even though prologues are often rather mysterious and have a cliffhanger, the best ones still feel like a complete scene, just one that moves rather quickly to the next scene.
Other than that, I don't have much else to say. A few of your sentences are choppy or awkwardly worded, so watch out for those. But overall, your description is very good and the dialogue feels natural.
One nitpick:
I think you forgot a word somewhere in there.
Anyway, I hope this was helpful. Good luck with this novel!
Whoops, didn't see that little grammar mistake, thanks for the pointers. It will become clearer as the story goes on (as the main point is to have chronology a little muddled here to open up for some interesting oppurtunities) that most of the story itself is the story the man and his niece are referring to. They'll be revisited every few chapters as the story goes on.In other words, the prologue occurs (mostly) after the main story takes place. Anyway, I appreciated the review, thanks!
Hi! Waffle here to review your work.
(quick mention! That the beginning, "crammed with books of varying size" you forgot the "s" that the end!)
This-is-INCREDIBLE!
I love how they have a family-love bond with each-other. Writers. I do wish I had someone like this in my family that had quite as much experience who could teach me.
I cannot wait to see what this turns out to be like! Please tag me (OnlyWaffle) when you post more.
Fabulous
Intriguing
Astonishing.
~Waffle
Thank-you very much! I appreciate it! By the way, that grammar pointer at the beginning, I think it still works, but thanks for pointing it out, I'll watch that in the future. I'll be sure to tag you when chapter 1 part 1 comes out (It will very soon as the prologue and the beginning of chapter 1 was already complete before I joined the website.
Ugh... This prologue of yours overwhelms me. Literally, I am overwhelmed. Reading this left a strange feeling in my gut. I'm really, really impressed by your descriptions, as I was able to picture everything in my head so well. I'm already rather fascinated by this setting since you tell it so well. Your grammar is excellent, your dialogue is intriguing. You seem like a very creative person to me.
Sadly, though, the one problem I do have with this manuscript---is that I cannot find anything to nitpick. So, good for you. You haven't done anything worthy of my nitpicking. Keep writing, I believe you can only get better from here.
Thank-you very much for the review! We'll see how that opinion holds up in the future. Here's a clue-
It most likely won't.
Anyway, I'll be sure to return the favour and check out some of your works.
Happy writing!