z

Young Writers Society


12+

ShadeWalker- Chapter One

by Catalyst


The dunes shifted under the moon, throwing up brilliant silver waves of sand. They rolled, shimmering phantasms, before dissipating into the air or crashing to the ground.

Kauther crouched on the city wall, at a point called the Swathes-- On one side, the city of Vaelrim stretched out, streets glimmering with golden light. A sea of one-story, flat roofed houses. Here, at the edge of the city, the outer slums met the bay. The shantytown hung over the waters, which were populated with nothing more extravagant than a dingy rowboat. Wires and planks were strung across the waters.

On the other side of the wall, the Pearl Coast stretched out, rolling dunes outlined by the moonlight, sweeping into the darkness.

Above the city, they rode the wind, like spinning veils of shadow.

Kauther could barely make them out-- Shades blended well with the darkness. Here and there, a shadow would roll over the stars, and he’d see one-- Partly incorporeal, drifting over the city.

And of course, they drifted North. Always North.

I wonder what Raimes makes of it. He’s probably been puzzling over it for years.His apprentice had always been quite inquisitive. He could have been a scholar, in another life. Of course, you couldn’t learn to prowl a street in silence from a book.

“You can come out now, Raimes”, Kauther called.

A much younger man strolled over from the darkness, grinning.

“You couldn’t let me have my dramatic entrance?” He asked, hopping up to the ramparts Kauther was crouching on.

“If you want to be suave, try making less sound than a peddler at a busy market” Kauther replied dryly, although his lips betrayed a slight smile.

Raimes’ smile broadened, though he didn’t reply. He withdrew a vial from his pocket, tossing it to Kauther.

“Got what you asked for. Damn hard to find, too. The Church is really clamping down hard on the stuff”.

Kauther grabbed the vial. He held it up against the moonlight. The silvery liquid danced like liquid starlight.

Quicksilver.

Kauther slipped the vial into a pocket, sewn into the cuff of his overcoat.

“That’ll do, I suppose. Any news about him?” He didn’t need to specify. The cloaked figure who stalked the streets had been the subject of their nightly conversations for weeks now. Ever since…

He touched the wound at his side. It had healed well, considering.

Raimes shrugged. “Afraid not. Whoever he is, he has plenty of gold to throw around. Most of my usual informers wouldn’t give me so much as the time, once I mentioned him.” He shifted his gaze towards the great cathedral towering over the city. “If you ask me, we’ve got plenty of trouble already without chasing down one of our kind. Least of all one that planted a dagger in your side”.

They fell silent.

Unfortunately, Kauther had to agree. Their kind-- Wraiths-- were none too welcome in the city.

However… first, there was something he needed to know for sure.

The moon sank behind the bulk of the tower in the cities centre, most of it’s light blocked. A shadow fell over the city. Kauther peered out, straining his eyes, but the Shades were all but invisible now.

Not that ordinary folk could see them at all.

“At any rate,” Raimes said, hopping off of the ramparts, hitting the cobblestones lightly, “I’ve got to see some clientele. You hear that the Church is doubling down on patrols? I wonder if there’s reason for them to fear Wraiths more than usual...”

Kauther was hardly listening. Eventually, Raimes came to a stop at the edge of the wall.

“Kauther”. He called over his shoulder. “Tell me you won’t chase down your… attempted murderer.

Kauther remained silent.

A moment later, he felt something. A shift in the air.

Spectral pulses. Likely it was Raimes leaving.

How many times do I have to tell him not to use his Wraethurgy during patrol hours.

The abilities of a wraith were near mythical among the common folk. Some say they stole souls, consumed men, were made of midnight. Well, that's how it had been. Nowadays, the Church proclaimed them as wretched sub-humans, feeding off of bad fortune.

Sighing, he reached inward and tapped his own Soul-- It too was still recovering from his run-in a few weeks back.

Immediately, power flared to life within him. Tentatively, he pulled some of the energy, directing it with ease.

He drew upon the power, and his sight… changed. The world became slightly duller, colour fading, and yet the Shades altered, blazing with light. At the same time, the city flared with thousands of buzzing lights, shifting among the city.

Souls. The Souls of each and every inhabitant in the city. Well, the ones nearby, at any rate.

Peering into the Spectral Realm was still an odd experience, even after twenty years of practice. Each soul was a buzzing hive of emotions, and the sensory information was nearly overwhelming.

However, those twenty years hadn’t been for nothing.

He focussed, ignoring the mass of souls, searching for what he needed. To the left, was the quickly disappearing soul of Raime, drifting through the night air. Other than the fact that this one was flying through the air, Wraith souls were… distinctive. For a start, they gave off no emotional information. They were cold stars drifting in a sea of buzzing feeling. What they did radiate, assuming they were using their powers, was Spectral pulses. That was more than enough to give them away.

Now Kauther just had to find another.

Each night, he’d tried and failed to find the Wraith he’d met two weeks ago-- The assailant who’d attacked him. On one or two occasions, he’d thought he’d seen it, for just a moment, before it slipped through his--

There!

It slid through the air, quite close to one of the wandering Shades.

Cold, throwing out spectral pulses

Kauther drew heavily upon his own Soul, made sure the vial of mercury in his cuff was fastened well, and leapt off of the wall.

He plummeted.

He drew upon his Soul, preparing. As his Soul depleted, he felt himself grow less corporeal. Breaths became difficult, thoughts obscured. His descent was slowed as he lost weight.

He directed the power he had collected behind him, and launched.

The lance of force threw him forward, and his light form began to speed towards his destination. Under normal circumstances, the force would have shattered his ribcage. However, in this form…

He peered into the Spectral realm again and-- There! The Wraith seemed to have landed atop one of the taller buildings. Had he seen Kauther?

Cautiously, Kauther threw out a small burst of force forward to slow himself. He began to drift downwards, landing softly on a building not far from the Wraith. There he was-- silhouetted against the golden light of the city.

Kauther withdrew a small pouch from his coat, and, opening it, took a handful of it’s contents.

Salt. He sprinkled it on the ground in front of him. That ought to keep him undetected. Salt was one of the most useful commodities a Wraith could have. It entirely blocked Wraethurgy.

Of course, that meant that he himself wouldn’t be able to use his powers past his small salt barrier, but that wasn’t important at the moment.

For now, he just had to observe, confident that he was totally invisible in the Spectral Realm.

The fellow Wraith he had been pursuing walked forward along the flat roof. He came to a stop near the edge of his small plateau and, withdrawing a shortsword, tapped the floor.

A trapdoor, probably, Kauther guessed, crouching behind the rim of his own rooftop.

He was proven correct almost immediately. The trapdoor swung open, and the Wraith entered.

Kauther stood.

A part of him was tempted to return. What was the point of pursuing this further? Most Wraiths, himself included got around doing small thieving jobs, keeping low. The building this Wraith had entered was probably some thieving lair or other.

In fact, he didn’t even know if this was the Wraith he’d encountered two weeks ago. His kind certainly weren’t common, but could this really be the same man?

He was already lucky enough that he hadn’t been spotted-- At least, he didn’t think he had been.

He gritted his teeth. I haven’t sat freezing myself on that wall for two weeks to turn back now.

He had to know.

He began running towards his destination. He leapt across the gaps between the roofs with ease, his body still partly incorporeal, fairly light.

He sprung forward, landing lightly on the rooftop where his mark had disappeared and, as expected, there it was. A trapdoor set into the floor.

He crept forward. Did he dare risk looking into the Spectral Realm to see where his mark was? The action would give off a small spectral pulse, barely detectable, but still…

He drew upon his Soul, as subtly as he could manage, and peered into the Spectral Realm.

The Soul of his fellow Wraith immediately came into view. It shimmered, an icy point of light.

It was right below him.

Immediately, the Wraith below emitted a Spectral pulse. The trapdoor groaned, planks bending outwards. Kauther cursed, stumbling backwards-- Too late.

The trapdoor exploded from the Wraiths blast of force.

Kauther ducked as the splinters of wood rained down, drawing upon his own Soul.

Again, too late.

A cloaked figure burst from where the trapdoor had formerly been, spinning in the darkness.

A flash of silver. Kauther felt himself pushed down by the Spectral force.

Then he felt the blade at his neck.

It’s over.

He felt a cold feeling pass over him. He was going to die.

Reckless, reckless, reckless.

Then, the Wraith withdrew his sword, placing it in it’s scabbard.

What?

Kauther looked up, and saw the face of the Wraith.

Raimes.

“And that, my friend” The man said grinning “Is how you get yourself killed. What did I tell you about pursuing your that Wraith you met a few weeks ago? See how easily he could have finished you off?”

Kauther blinked, dumbfounded.

“You… set me up?”

Raimes’ grin widened. “What better way to discourage you from chasing the man? You think I haven’t noticed you milling about on that wall for the past few weeks? You were eager to chase him down, weren’t you?”

Kauther stood up. Now that the shock had passed, he felt more than slightly duped.

“You’ve made your point”, he grumbled. He wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of a blade. Least of all from his own apprentice.

“So, what has you so willing to chase down the man who put a blade in your side two weeks ago?” Raimes asked, still with that insufferable grin smeared across his face.

Kauther began to leave, walking towards the edge of the roof.

“I needed to make sure”. He said quietly.

Raimes didn’t reply. They both knew what he meant.

Raimes’ jovial attitude melted away, quite suddenly.

“It’s been ten years, Kauther. Time to give up”.

For a moment, there was silence on the rooftop.

“Well, no harm done. Now, if you’d mind promising me that you’ll stop chasing your attempted murderers, I can go home and sleep soundly tonight.” Raimes was at Kauther’s side, his grin back, as bright as ever.

Kauther nodded noncommittally. “For now”.

Raimes laughed, beginning to walk away. “I suppose that will have to do. He waved, before leaping off of the rooftop into the night.

Kauther couldn’t help himself from smiling slightly. The boy he’d once known was gone.

He glanced to the now hollow hole where the trapdoor had been moments before.

Who let him in?

Below he heard angry murmuring. It was clear that blowing open their trapdoor hadn’t been part of whatever deal Raimes had made with them.

Kauther flared his Soul, and strolled away, letting the darkness engulf him.

Authors Notes-

Hello, and welcome to a new little series I'll be writing over the coming months. If you're planning to review this (And thank-you very much if you are), then I'd actually like to make a request.

Generally, with my stories, I prefer slow build-ups, and I'm thinking that might be a bit of a bad trait. I've gotten too slow with my plots. So, I'm planning to plough ahead with this one at break-neck speed.

However, this being a fantasy epic, that presents a challenge, and here's where you come in. I realise that I dumped... a lot of info into this Chapter. Wraiths wielding Wraethurgy, Salt and Quicksilver... Being the Writer, I can't tell whether or not this information is overwhelming. So let me know!

Thanks a bunch

-Catalyst


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User avatar
35 Reviews


Points: 654
Reviews: 35

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Thu Sep 22, 2016 6:23 pm
Sheadun wrote a review...



Hi There!

Shea here to review! Intriguing title, can't wait to read!

I would love to start off with pointing out how interesting your first couple of lines are! I love the use of your words and think it is really great!

Some minor suggestions now! “If you want to be suave, try making less sound than a peddler at a busy market”- I am not sure if you intended for your dialogue to not have punctuation at the end of it. It should have either a comma or period. Also, make sure to put the punctuation in front of the second quotation mark. Although there are some minor grammar mistakes, overall very good writing! Make sure not to make anything a run-on sentence!

Really nice beginning of a story! The plot seems very strong and interesting!

Keep writing, I definitely want to continue reading this story!

Shea :)




Catalyst says...


Thanks for the review! I'll be sure to keep you posted!



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Mon Sep 19, 2016 9:09 pm
ExOmelas wrote a review...



I wonder what Raimes makes of it. He’s probably been puzzling over it for years.His apprentice had always been quite inquisitive.

I'm a little bit confused here. Is the 'I' the narrator? If it's Kauther, then you probably don't want to change POV halfway through :P Also you missed a space in after the second full stop.

“You can come out now, Raimes”, Kauther called.

The comma and closing speech marks should be the other way around.

a busy market”

You just missed the comma this time.

“Kauther”. He called over his shoulder. “Tell me you won’t chase down your… attempted murderer.

Couple of things in this sentence. The full stop should be before the speech marks, and should also be a comma. However, that's only a should in the grammatical sense, so I'm just saying that so you're aware this sounds extra dramatic, which I'm guessing you are, since it fits. Also you forgot the closing speech marks at the end.

How many times do I have to tell him not to use his Wraethurgy during patrol hours.

Okay I'm starting to understand your way of having Kauther think to himself without explicit reference that that's what it is. I think you need some sort of signal though. The accepted method is usually italics but feel free to find another tag of some sort.

took a handful of it’s contents

You don't need the apostrophe here. The apostrophe is only for abbreviating "it is". Obviously that's only in the context of this particular word. The english language is dumb.

Most Wraiths, himself included got around doing small thieving jobs, keeping low.

There should be a comma after "included".

The trapdoor exploded from the Wraiths blast of force.

Ironically there should be an apostrophe in "Wraith's" :P

“I needed to make sure”. He said quietly.

Ok this one should definitely be a comma.

----

Okay, now that nit-picks are over I'll talk about the work as a whole.

I really enjoyed this! I haven't been following that many works on yws recently because of uni and stuff but if you keep me posted I'll do my best to review each chapter as they come out.

Occasionally I don't quite buy Raimes' dialogue. It just feels like sometimes his jokes are a wee bit too set up and perfect, maybe have him stumble a couple of times, it'll just make him seem more human ... or wraith-like, I guess. Other than his dialogue he's totally a believable character though, and the dialogue isn't even a constant issue.

I totally buy Kauther as well and once I understood what you were doing with his thoughts I really enjoyed it.

I see where you could be worried about infodumping but I think you just about manage it. A couple of times things are repeated. I think it was about the stabbing, maybe find a way to abbreviate the incident ... I especially remember hearing the word "weeks" a lot.

Other than these minor things, I think you're onto something here!

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




Catalyst says...


Thanks for the review! It was super helpful, and I'll keep ya posted, and return the favour.



ExOmelas says...


no problem! :)



Catalyst says...


Oh, and in regards to Kauthers thoughts-- They were in italics. It seems transferring the story from my Google Doc to the publishing centre removed the italics-- I'll have to fix that.



ExOmelas says...


Ah ok. I think it might be that you need to use bbcode. If you surround the thoughts with ['i]thoughts['/i] it should work. Except without the apostrophes. They're only there because if I put the actual code it would just put my text into italics XD



Catalyst says...


Oh, okay, thanks :D




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