Published June 14, 2011
The robin hops across the lawn,
Flitting here, then there, now gone.
He reappears without a care,
Of any heartache unaware.
I laugh to see his wing take flight
As he soars off into the light.
What would the world appear to be
Without life’s pain, completely free?
What would I give to be a bird,
Responsibility unheard,
To fly among the clouds at will,
To spend my days in happy trill.
But without agony in life,
Or duty, error, guilt and strife,
Something crucial would be lost;
It never could be worth the cost.
Humanity means joy and pain,
And life depends on sun and rain.
Without a depth of hurt tonight,
I could not dance when it is light.
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139,463 Literary Works • 672,570 Reviews
Love the rhymes.
Love the message.
Love the wording.
Ready for this full review? No promises that this is a winner (in the contest), but it is incredible and has a chance. (I am writing this before the contest has officially ended.) So, here we go.
So, I really liked this, with the comparison of the robin's life with our lives... very nice! Never stop writing!
Nice! I like this topic a lot, and the imagery was good. The rhyme seemed to flow, and wasn't unnatural, so good job there. There were a few lines that didn't seem to flow quite as well;
"As he soars off into the light." In the second stanza, it just seemed lacking a syllable or something.
"Responsibility unheard," In the third, this one especially seemed too short...missing syllables or something. It breaks the flow, to me at least.
Anywho, great poem! Nice overall piece that is easy to read, and fun to read. Good job!
Wow! This is awesome! It's really easy to read and keep reading especially. I love it. It's very classy but also sounds very youthful, if that makes sense. I really love the imagery. I love love love the fourth paragraph. Great work. Very very nice.
Hey there,
Good poem. Enjoy reading it. Keep on keeping on.
xx Upile xx
DUDE! i love this! the flow and the imagry is great!
It kept me reading, which is good.
It was also beautifully written!
UH.....somebody say AWESOME! that was by far one of the best pieces the I have read about life in general. I guess your trying to say that you may think of escaping life but when it comes down to it life is the....shit. I'm guessing your new here and look forward to reading more of your work.
great job overall.