Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a review. Now it looks like this is entry two...and I couldn't locate entry one so if there is something I am missing here because of not having read the first entry sorry.

First Impression: It's a pretty decent story that you've got here...it definitely feels like a pretty realistic journal entry. The profile part was maybe a little weird to put in a journal entry but then it certainly added a lot to the humor part of this so that was nice to see. Cassie does also seem to have a pretty lively personality in this one with her strong opinions and that was also good to see.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Hi journal, my name is Lunita Rossi but everyone calls me Cassie List. The reason for this is my brother is Craigslist. I cant reveal his identity bc Of reAsonS. Now i know you want to know why i hate men yes? Well..... i had things happen as a teen and don't want to revisit those memories but i think you can put the pieces together.

I am a single Pringle now. What do i mean you say? THAT JERK LUCA WAS CHEATING ON ME WITH SOME CANADIAN GIRL!!!!😡😡😡 Thats why he didnt answer me when i met that brat. I made a profile so hope you enjoy!

Name: Cassie List

Age: 21

DOB: October 9th 1999

Likes: memes, rickrolling people, my bff

Dislikes: men, mens, MENNN

Specialties: knife throwing

Disabilities: won’t stay still for a long time

Also some of you wanted to know what everything looks like, if you ask you shall receive! Most would think oh, everything is so modern and fancy but no actually that’s the opposite of what we live with. Plants are taking over almost everything due to a disease that wiped out a lot of the population. Only the richer people like the president and royalty live in the modern area. I might as well tell you journal that the little girl is still a brat but a smart one. She always taking apart stuff and fixing it. Yes I finally found her ;almost gave her to some hungry demons; but she said she’d work of her debt so I’m letting her stay.

Hello, there! Thanks for requesting a review, and I hope this helps. Also, I don't know if you by accident labeled this as "art" as I think it's closer to a "novel/chapter" but I just observed that.

This is a rather short chapter to give advice on, so I thought I would throw in a KB article and a Review Template just to change things up a bit. First off, I wanted to link this KB article called Summary vs. Scene because I thought it does an interesting job at exploring how one can try to give information in a story while also continuing the plot. Secondly, I will be using the Basic Review Template.

First Impressions: It's been a few weeks since I had reviewed the first part of this story, but I do remember there being some quick violence as well as an eerie tone from what was going on through the eyes of the mentioned character. As thus, I can almost picture this main character being a young adult, mostly because of the vocabulary she uses, including the "capitalized" words that usually mean being sarcastic/weird. Having the profile written in her journal struck me a bit weirdly, as I was expecting some text written, while getting a glimpse into this different world is interesting.

Constructive Criticism Like I said above, I was thrown off by the inclusion of an actual profile of herself, as I think that's a bit out-of-the-blue when it comes to how journals are usually treated by people, even if "writing" to a journal. From her vocabulary, I wouldn't think Cassie was an adult yet, mostly because she uses some teenager slang that I think would fit better with a younger character, but that's more my opinion. One thing I would say is to not put emojis (like the red angry face) inside an actual text, even if this is supposed to be a journal entry, as I think it makes the text a bit more juvenile and not as fun to read, at least for me. I also think the information in this was very rushed, as we're getting a large summary in explaining directly how this future world is like.

Positive Encouragement Cassie definitely has a personality here, and I can read it loud and clear, and I think that really matches up with what I remember her character seeming in the other chapter. I'm definitely curious to see how this world would be/look like/function if a large part of the population was wiped out in just a couple of decades, not to mention that demons are casually mentioned here, and a possibly traumatic past for our narrator, which is never fun and could certainly explain parts of her character.

Oh, one last thing -- the dates really throw me off. The journal entry says September 14th in 2037, however Cassie says she is 21 and born in 1999. If Cassie was born in 1999, she would be 36, I think, so I would just recommend either relating the journal entry, or reference what year/age she is supposed to be. That's all for now, and I hope it was helpful!

Yea the pandemic,hmmn..knifethrowing,how do you find it enjoyable(is it not dangerous?).ooh i forgot.it's a fictin not a real life story(Rls)

As a man, I felt quite scared reading this even though I know you have no reason to hate me. Still there is this feeling of uneasiness lingering around. ESPECIALLY after seeing you specialise in throwing knifes.