Undone

Hi Matthews

Thanks for the great help
I have edited my poem using some of your suggestions

See if you can pick them out
I even added a line

Thanks --143--

Well, you already have a bunch of reviews/comments, but I feel like giving you a review anyway! I really enjoyed this poem. It was quite fascinating, and I loved the idea of making 'evil' a being. Comments in purple, edits in red.

Cassie143 wrote:

Evil knocks on the door
Through the peep hole you see his grin
Scary and wide
Evil has nothing to hide.
You’re the only one that can see him,
You scream.
Evil chuckles his evil and cunning ways
For he know you’re the one he needs
To fulfill his evil and cunning deeds.
With nowhere to hide
You open the door
Standing strong all filled with pride. So you're standing 'strong' and filled with 'pride'? What about you screaming earlier? Have you suddenly found a reserve of strength?
Evil speaks to your mind I think it would read better if you changed 'to your' to simply 'in'.
“Come with me; do not put up a fight,
Or this shall be a long and agonizing night.”
You look into the holes where Evil's eyes should be
Into the widows where is soul should lead. 'is'?? Is that supposed to be 'his'? Or maybe change it to "Into the windows where a soul should be." Ah. I just noticed; you spelled "windows" wrong.
It took you only that one mistake
To fall under Evil's curse,
For now you’re Evil's little puppet
You’re under his command.
For those who don’t know, Evil's eyes are his weapon
With them he sucks your soul Maybe add 'out' in front of 'your'. Also, you could put a semi-colon at the end of the line, and take out the 'and' in the next. It will make it more powerful.
And makes you bleed
Until you’ve done his dirty deed.
You should have run and hid inside
But instead you stood wrapped in a blanket of pride. You could take out the 'but' in the line and the 'and' in the next....
And now like all of Evil's adopted sons
You’re bound to him
And this, my friend,
You’ll come to see
That the bond you share
Can never be

Undone. Sweet ending!

thank you Redfang

I will attempt to write a poem using your suggestion

I love it. It tells you what happens to you if you let Evil into your life. To tell the truth, I'm a tad bit evil myself. However, I'm not as evil as the dude in your poem. I suggest you make another poem, this time with... maybe a vampire or something like that in love with a human. Whatever gender is your choice. I love your style.

I love the personification of any ideal or abstract idea, and evil totally applies to that. Very well written in the keeping evil entirely personified, which I find is a little difficult at times. I love the dramatic one word ending. I personally think that this kind of ending evokes a lot of thought from the reader and it just intensifies the mood of the poem. Again I say, well writ.

cool as!!! love it love it love it love it
i love these types of poems and this one was awesome

my Favorite part was the last 5 lines and evils quote
it was really dramatic and the mood you set was really good
keep up the great work

-love2read-

wow, I normally don't read poems without paragraphs (i find them too confusing), but I really liked this. It gave a story and reason, and emotion of help the reader understand and follow through to the end. I really liked the end best:

And this, my friend,
You’ll come to see
That the bond you share
Can never be

Undone.

Thanks heaps I will definitely fix up those mistakes

Why hello there :]
So i just caught a few little things to fix --
This is a fixing color !

Evil knocks on the door
Through the peep hole you see his grin
Scary and wide
Evil has nothing to hide.
You’re the only one that can see him,
You scream.
Evil chuckles his evil and cunning ways
For he know you’re the one he needs
To for fill his evil and cunning deeds. I believe you meant fulfill?
With nowhere to hide
You open the door
Standing strong all filled with pride.
Evil speaks to your mind
“Come with me do not put up a fight,
Or this shall be a long and agonizing night.”
You look into the wholes where Evils eyes should be wholes should be holes
Into the widows where is soul should lead.
It took you only that one mistake
To fall under Evils curse,
For now you’re Evils little puppet
You’re under his command.
For those who don’t know Evils eyes are his weapon
With them he sucks your soul
And makes you bleed
Until you’ve done his dirty deed.
You should have ran and hid inside
But instead you stood wrapped in a blanket of pride.
And now like all of Evils adopted sons
You’re bound to him
And this, my friend,
You’ll come to see
That the bond you share
Can never be

Undone.