I arrived:
door slammed upon my arrival.
The room:
bare walls and wood floor.
A deserted chamber,
other than her old table.
That misshaped wooden table:
rough edges that used to take hold of my clothing,
four chairs sitting vacated.
I reluctantly lowered my body to the chair,
watching the three other seats—
waiting for the emotions to walk in.
Sorrow:
What should be to my left
is an empty space.
Lying on the chair,
a round, metallic pot.
I hesitantly lift the lid
to find a boiling pot of homemade heartaches,
slowly seasoned by the past.
Anger:
I know is coming,
no clue when.
The empty chair staring at me from across the table
waiting for its owner to show.
That dessert sitting atop a round silver platter:
A mix of breaking under pressure and blowing off steam,
baked into a soft cake I cannot bear to cut.
Humility:
the open air to my right
should be filled with its presence.
A tall glass bottle
overflowing with empty threats and forgotten lies,
takes place of the absent feeling..
Tick Tock
Tick Tock
The clock whispers in my ear:
“Tick Tock
watching the lock”.
The clock yells the hours:
Three,
Four,
Crushed dreams on the floor.
The loud echo of the clock dragging me in;
Singing come,
come.
The emotions remain absent,
clock softly serenading.
Forever awaiting the ones never to come,
feeling the one never felt:
Numb.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey there!
This is really cool! I mean it's just WOW!!! They way you used words ,the way you set the scenes it's remarkable! This piece of your work is just wonderful and according to me it requires zero editing (not that I'm really good at nitpicking).
Great work! Keep sharing your amazing works!
Fangirl~
P.s.- welcome to YWS!
Aww thank you! You're so sweet! I hope you enjoyed it!
Yeah! I surely did
Yeah! I surely did
Hey, Cassidytosch! This is a review by BLUEDAISY!!!!!!!
Let me just say one thing:
Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. WOW!
This poem speaks so clearly and so vividly. I could see every word like scene through a magnifying lens. I really enjoyed-- well not enjoyed-- you know that feeling when a piece of writing makes you feeeeel something inside and it's really powerful? Yeah. THAT. I was so entangled in my emotions that I almost forgot I was reading.
Now for the deep stuff.
I have really severe depression, and this piece really reminds me of how I feel a lot of the time. I know that the hurt and sharp feeling of this poem really resonates. Good job!
Hey, Cassidytosch! This is a review by BLUEDAISY!!!!!!!
Let me just say one thing:
Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. WOW!
This poem speaks so clearly and so vividly. I could see every word like scene through a magnifying lens. I really enjoyed-- well not enjoyed-- you know that feeling when a piece of writing makes you feeeeel something inside and it's really powerful? Yeah. THAT. I was so entangled in my emotions that I almost forgot I was reading.
Now for the deep stuff.
I have really severe depression, and this piece really reminds me of how I feel a lot of the time. I know that the hurt and sharp feeling of this poem really resonates. Good job!
Hey, Cassidytosch! This is a review by BLUEDAISY!!!!!!!
Let me just say one thing:
Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. WOW!
This poem speaks so clearly and so vividly. I could see every word like scene through a magnifying lens. I really enjoyed-- well not enjoyed-- you know that feeling when a piece of writing makes you feeeeel something inside and it's really powerful? Yeah. THAT. I was so entangled in my emotions that I almost forgot I was reading.
Now for the deep stuff.
I have really severe depression, and this piece really reminds me of how I feel a lot of the time. I know that the hurt and sharp feeling of this poem really resonates. Good job!
I write for the people that have depression.. I'd like to thank you for openly saying that because so many people hold that in. My outlet for my emotions is through writing. However, some people don't have an outlet for their feelings so they tend to bottle them up inside. I think that's an awful thing to do to someone, so I write for the people who can't let their emotions out themselves. They feel things, but they can't express what they're feeling. I couldn't live with myself if I let all those people continue to feel alone. Nobody deserves to feel alone. I hope this poem helped in some way! Feel free to message me any time
This was one of the better poems I've read on this site! I really appreciate how you tackled something as serious as grief. For a lot of us, writing is an enjoyable pastime, so it's hard to bring something that isn't so positive into that sense.
First off, I thought your use of colons were interesting. I'm not sure the purpose of why they are there, but if there isn't I encourage you to give yourself a reason as to why you use the punctuation marks you do.
I thought the rhyming with the clocks was a good idea. Personally, when I see rhyming in a poem, I get a sense of fun, light-heartedness, or trying to fill in the boredom. I think what would be beneficial is if you added more neutral, non-rhyming language to the clock ticking, waiting for the character to feel. Something more serious and after a while, it starts to get ridiculous and you can show that by rhyming.
Overall, I think this was a well written poem. Keep on writing!
I used my colons in the way I did for one reason: It made the reader remember it. The colons caught your attention/stuck in your mind. That was the goal.