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Poetry

by CarysT


Poetry

Soft or Sweet

Loud it greats

Gentle like a feathered wing

Savage like a malicious sting

Love and loss

All the words to describe

But none enough to satisfy

That burning heart I have insideĀ 

Of words from my mind

That tumble outside

Into this page, you read before

Poetry


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10 Reviews


Points: 185
Reviews: 10

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Mon Mar 18, 2019 10:04 am
Theia wrote a review...



Hey Caryst here for a review.

Poetry , the title at once attracted me ,as if calling out to read the poem.I think this is a great poem.Word choice is very elegant and the meaning of the poem is amazing.It's actually how I take poetry.

I think you could work a little on the punctuation.The rhyming is not regular but it's perfect the way it is.
"Loud it greats"
I think you can change this line a bit,it will improve the sound of your work and make things clearer as this line confused me a bit.It is okay even if you don't change it this poem is amazing after all.

I hope you keep up such good work and yes,keep posting it.




CarysT says...


Thank you very much for your response. I will repost within 24 hours and hope you like it. :)



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14 Reviews


Points: 230
Reviews: 14

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Fri Mar 15, 2019 5:28 pm
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269609 wrote a review...



Reviewing, I like your poem, I see strong potential in you. Feel free to respond, effectively or not at all to my (constructive) criticism

in the line:

'Loud it greats'

I am sure you meant:

'Loud it greets '

I may be wrong, and please tell me if I am, but no worries it is just a small spelling error.

Also I feel the word 'that disrupts the flow of your poem somehow it is slightly estranged to the rest of the flow and rhythm in these lines:

'That burning heart I have inside '
&
'That tumble outside'

It could easily regain rhythm being replaced with the word 'the' only if you would wish to though it could be purely my preference. Overall I love your poetry poem, it describes poetry well. Keep writing, keep being creative, keep poeting, keep being you. :)




CarysT says...


Hey! I'm young and kind of new at this whole writing thing. I have writing competitions at my school like twice a year and try to get better. I was a finalist in my grade this year but didn't win(which sucked.) I like describing things and have lived a complicated childhood and like using words. I am currently a young teen who writes newsletters for unpublished books for a bookstore. I am happy to constructive criticism. I obviously am not going to be in any spelling bees soon and personally hate my English classes as I still can find the diff between adjective clause and phrase. Thanks for commenting



269609 says...


You are very welcome. There is always room for improvement, and I like your style.



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303 Reviews


Points: 16630
Reviews: 303

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Fri Mar 15, 2019 6:26 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this lovely day.
Okay let's get to it.
Okay so this was a really well written poem, and I loved every sentence of it. But it did want to point out one thing that I saw that can be easily fixed.
Okay so as I was reading it was easy to pick up the flow and stuff, but you do need some commas, or full stops in there, just to help your reader with the flow a little.
But other then that this was a really well written poem, and it was very true in many ways. This just proves that a poem can be about anything. And reading this has given me a few good tips. It was really fun reading your poem, It's quit cool to see what other people will come up with, so I can't wait to see more poems from you.

Never stop writing and I hope to see more of your works out on YWS soon. I hope you have a great day/night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix. :D
Reviewing with a fiery passion.





I like to create sympathy for my characters, then set the monsters loose.
— Stephen King