Published November 5, 2007
I wish i wasn't just average
But thats only when I'm not trying
When i think and When i do I soar
I soar above the rest
there aint no heavy breathing in my breath
there aint no shaking in my chest
I can win when i want to
I can fly if i want to
but i only try when i got to
thats the problem with me
I dont win
i dont fly
I just do what i have to to get by
I could cry when i see that they try
yeah they try and they equal me
and i don't try
I'll give me one more chance
to do the best i can
And if i fail and if i lose
I don't know what i would do
But i'll give me one more chance
to do the best i can
Maybe I'll soar
Maybe I'll win
Maybe I'll fight to break in
but at least i tried again
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140,602 Literary Works • 673,549 Reviews
I second the whole capitalizing the I's in your poem. This is because it merely gives your writing a more professional look about it. Also, there were a few places where I thought you could have capitalized the first letters of a line;merely for presentation and professionalism. Such as line five and six.
Also, in line three, there was no need to capitalize "When" - Imean the second in that line by the way.
Check your punctuation and vary it so it creates pauses.
Other that that, not too bad. A good idea here.
Oh. cool! That was a really cool poem, Caroline. I liked it alot.
There were a ton of things such as spelling and grammar that you need to change such as:
You NEED to capitalize all of the I's in the poem. It really makes it easier to read.
You also need to put apostrophes in your writing, such as don't and ain't instead of dont and aint.
Other than that, this poem was really good. I like the idea that you had.
Keep writing!
BBB