Published October 21, 2005
(I don't think I've written a haiku in a decade. Maybe there's a reason for that)
Child on the outside
Young lady falling behind
Woman still searching
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Canary word: Present
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138,703 Literary Works • 672,249 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
OKay...well as I normally do when it comes to reviewing poetry I do have to issue a bit of a disclaimer here and say that I don't do poetry reviews normally and this is for the checklist challenge, so I will be doing my best with giving my interpretations of the poem but I don't really know too much when it comes to the more technical side of things.
And so...right away this one seems to have a much deeper meaning than meets the eye here. At a glance it seems like a simple idea of someone just running away from another person and these three people being in some sort of random chase of sorts. But this time it is quite clear that is probably not the intention here, because we've got some strong hints here what's actually going on here is a description of how quickly the years tend to pass a person by and how age rapidly seems to be increasing for this person who is rapidly growing out of childhood. That last line also suggest this is someone who isn't having a very easy time of discovering what adulthood is like.
It ultimately sends a rather powerful message there, one that is quite relatable there, because you get a clear sense of someone being nostalgic for their childhood as they rapidly hurtle towards and adulthood they don't quite know what to do with.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
It must be hard to write an autobiographical Haiku.
The best approach would probably be some sort of symbolism, since Haiku are supposed to be about nature...
Implies that you are mature on the inside, does it not? Is this you? An adult in the body of a child? From your age and the fact that you get along nicely here despite your age difference, I would be more inclined to say that you are an adult on the outside, and a "Child on the inside"
The other lines didn't really trigger any alarm bells, they seem fine to me.
--Q
I like that you started each line with a subject that describes an aspect of yourself. However, the first two lines ended with a locational description (outside, behind), but the third ended on a verb (searching). I was expecting a pattern to be followed, but it was not. Was this intentional?
Not much in the way of imagery, but it does describe you in a way that I can understand.
Good work, but consider tinkering with either the first lines or last to follow a pattern, or avoid one.