Chapter 2: Encounter
A book. A dusty, black, hardcover book that looked brand new, like if no one had ever even used it before. The spine read “Volt Descendant” on it in ridiculously tiny, yet elegant writing. It had weird writing on the cover of the book as well, looking as if it were in a different language. As John opened the book and flipped the pages with a curious look on his face, you could see that only about the first four or five pages were completely filled in with drawings and writing. For the most part, the book was practically empty. The back of the book read “The End” in a plain, creepy font. As soon as John blew the dust off of it in a single blow, the book looked as if it were in mint condition.
“So, what do you think?” said John.
“It looks cool, thank you. I guess I’ll start using this as my sketchbook from now on.” said James, with a slight grin on his face.
“Well I couldn’t wait any longer; I was really excited to actually give you something meaningful and, well, family-oriented. Every year you get these huge and expensive gifts. I thought it would be more valuable to you, you know? I am not saying that this is going to be your only gift.”
“Dad, I love it. Thank you.” said James. “I wouldn’t want anything else more than something like this for Christmas.”
“Well here you go son, I hope the tradition can be kept.” said John in a satisfied tone.
“I will, don’t worry.” said James, with a real smile this time.
As soon as his dad gave him the book, in that exact instance, James felt, normal. No more sadness in his mind. He didn’t have the depressing thoughts he was having beforehand. Everything became vivid and average once again, as they were in the past. It really did feel like the 23rd of December in his house. He looked at the book and smiled. The book looked amazing to James. He got the feeling that the book was the part of him that was missing, and he had no clue as to why he felt this way.
The strange writing on the cover of the book had changed, though. At the exact moment that James held the book, the font changed right before his eyes. It now read “Knowledge is Strength” in gold letters.
James headed back to his room with his book, astonished. He was nervous and shocked at what had just happened to the book. He simply could not believe it. What was this book he had just received, and what was that that he had just seen? He wanted to tell someone but he was so overwhelmed that he felt like going to his room and figuring out himself. He wanted to look at the book and investigate it himself. But Geoff was in his room.
“What did Daddy want, Jimmy?” snarled Geoff.
“He gave me something, actually.” said James in a mocking tone.
“Oh yeah, what did he give you? Another phone, a new designer watch, a car?”
“No, nothing like that.”
“Oh I see. He got you TWO cars.” said Geoff as he rolled his eyes.
“He gave me a book, actually.” said James, proudly.
“Wow, a book, huh?” laughed Geoff. “Does it look something like this?”
Geoff reached in his luggage and pulled out an identical copy of the book James had received from his father. Geoff’s book also had “Volt Descendant” in the same exact size and font on the spine. It read “The End” on the back of the book, and was the same color and size as James’. The only difference with Geoff’s book was that the writing on the cover was strange, like how James book was before he had touched it.
“Have you opened it up yet?” asked James curiously.
“Nope. Have you?” replied Geoff, carelessly.
“Not really.”
In that same instance, they both looked through their book.
When James opened the book, he felt free. He couldn’t really explain this feeling at all. The first page of the book read:
“Volt Descendant, Version 1”
Page two had a weird portal design on the entire front and back of the page. The portal looked highly detailed and was impressive to James. The next three pages were filled in. The first page had a drawing of many highly detailed animals, mainly jungle animals, such as deer, lions, and snakes. It also had drawings of weapons, like spears and bows. The second page was filled with odd materials, like flasks, test tubes, and liquid chemicals. Also, throughout the page were food, shields, armor, and fruits and vegetables. On the third page were drawings of non-existent creatures like horses with guns on their heads, dinosaurs with robotic features, and other strange things.
James was flabbergasted. He was mind blown on how real and detailed these all looked. He was also confused. What was all this? Why were the drawings so realistic and detailed? Why did these drawings seem very random? How did several generations only come up with three lousy pages filled with idiotic drawings? The questions flew on and on in James head.
“Oh man! These drawings are sweet, huh?” shouted Geoff, sounding enthusiastic.
“Can I see what’s on your book?”
“Sure, if you let me see yours.” replied Geoff.
As they exchanged books, James mood started to change. He was beginning to get that depressed feeling again. Geoff let out a sincere smile when he touched James book, though, as if they had swapped moods along with their books.
The title of the book didn’t change this time. It had the same strange writing on the front. Geoff’s book was different on the inside as well. His first page read:
“Volt Descendant, Version 2”
His book had 3 pages drawn on and 1 with writing on it. It also had a portal in the second page of the book, just like James’. All three pages were filled with evil and cruel content. These drawings were highly detailed as well. There were animals with red eyes, dark purple and black orbs, looking like something off an outer space movie, cauldrons and chemicals. There were also many guns, swords, and bombs. The writing part of the book was very interesting, though. It had a strange font, like on the cover of the book. But this time, the symbols looked like if they were glowing, almost looking like bright, fresh blood.
James was depressed again. His stomach suddenly ached, his head felt like it was throbbing, and he was sweating heavily.
“Can I have my book back, please.” said James in an agonizing, painful voice.
“Sure, I guess. What’s wrong though?” replied Geoff, happily.
“Nothing, just give me my book!” said James, panicking.
Just moments after receiving their books back, James was feeling better, and his pain was diminishing. Geoff was his same mean self once more. Geoff seemed to not notice that the title of his book changed. And it also seemed like he was the only person that could read his book’s weird writing.
“What’s the title of your book, Geoff?”
“You just had my book for like, five minutes dude. Didn’t you read it already?” replied Geoff, sounding upset.
“Sorry, I forgot.” said James, secretly eager to find out what his title read.
“Power is Everything. It’s pretty stupid, if you ask Me.” said Geoff, angrily.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Just as a heads up, I have not read the previous chapter, but I noticed you were lacking in reviews, so I figured I'd pop in.
1. You use words like "creepy" and "strange" and "weird" far too often. These are examples of dead words, words tossed around in writing so lazily that they've grown stale from misuse. In other words, they're vague, if not completely meaningless. One way you use them is to describe the font. Why is it weird? Describe what it looks like. Do its long serifs render it almost unreadable? Does it curl at the vertices like the tails of pigs?
2. Kinda weird that Geoff goes from
to
so quickly, especially when he's still holding the bad book.
3.
This seemed out of place. James' ensuing response is appropriate, I think, but what struck me as odd is the fact that this isn't mentioned at all throughout the rest of the chapter. It seems like this should be a huge mystery, but you kind of just passed over it like it was nothing. I think the same thing is going on with a lot of the other book voodoo. At some point, shouldn't James be saying, "Something weird is going on." Seems he isn't noticing any of it—or if he is, he's ignoring it or something.
4. You're writing dialogue like this.
This is incorrect (Faulkner may have done this, but certain masters are allowed to mess with the English language if it inconveniences them). Here is the proper form.
Notice the comma.
Hope this helped.
-Kafka
Hey there!
Wow! This chapter was much more exciting than the first, to be honest. It's a very interesting way of developing your ideas and your style of writing is captivating. At first I thought the book was filled with some kind of story detailing the family history and such, stuff that would probably bore James to death. But instead, the book was filled with such intriguing pictures and the title says it all.
The two characters of Geoff and James are contradicting. Now I'm not sure if the contents of the books are based on their character or are their characters based on the book they're holding? Seemingly here whichever book they have in their hands determines their mood, so I'm guessing it's the latter.
Overall a pretty good conflict you have between the two boys here. I can see the drastic changes in the character the moment they swap the books. James seems to be desperate to get back his book the moment he touches Geoff's, and I think that this sort of thing could be used in later chapters to bring out two sides of each boy's character. From the different books they hold, you could show how they react to different feelings.
One thing here, just personal preference though, but I think it'll be good for your story. Is to have the pictures in the books be animated, I mean moving, not jumping out of the book but like moving about. Eg. Turning heads, shaking their fur for the animals, you could even have them look at James in the eyes. I just think that the book as it is now has not much of a life to it, even though it's able to change the mood of the boys. To really make it different from any ordinary book, make it a little magical or such.
I like the thing that they can't decipher the writing on each other's books, it just makes this more interesting and I'm curious as to who may be the antagonist...hm...
Hope my review helped!