Why I'm not dead right now.

This is really sweet, and it addresses a rarely spoken about aspect of suicide. I'm glad that things like this and people like you exist to show other people what's worth living for.

If you read this during Frozen, that would be fab.

Anyway, damn, this is good.

Hi, it's Em101cats to review your beautiful and meaningful poem!


This, I must say, hit me in a deep spot. I found myself on the verge of tears, it was so amazing! *Applauds for getting the keep-feelings-inside-my-mind person to almost cry*

No their hearts won't be in one piece.

Hello, Chips here to review!

This seems like a very personal piece which had a lot of emotion behind it so well done on that.
I especially liked the sense of courage in this, as suicide is, unfortunately a commonly used topic particularly among teens. Instead of giving up, there is a sense of hope and happiness in the end of the poem. I also liked how you were considering how will affect others rather than yourself, which was rather considerate.

However, there is always room for improvement so I have a few suggestions which may be of help to you to improve your poem even further.

At certain points in your poem, the emotions feel listed, as oppose to a continuous flow of emotion e.g;

"To escape all the pain,

The suffering,

The sadness."

Perhaps its just the formatting, but in my opinion I would have preferred it to be written together as part of a sentence.


"Everyone I love,

Everyone I care about.

All of the people who love and care about me."

These lines began to feel too similar, but were overall stating the same point, maybe try varying the language used to express these phrases.

"No.

No, it's not okay.

No, it's not a good idea.

No their hearts won't be in one piece."

I realize the repetition of, "No", implies negative connotations to suicide and there is a sudden and certain change of mind, but it is almost verging of being too repetitive, in my opinion.

The happiness of the ones around me.

For in their happiness,

My happiness lies.

"Happiness", has been used a total of six times in your poem, hence, becoming redundant you could use a more effective and varied word.

"So I will keep on living.

I will continue to spread my happiness,

And I will continue to live, love, and laugh."

I liked this ending of continuing to live, it was inspiring. Although, "live, love, laugh", felt a bit cliche, in this instance I guess it worked with your poem.

Overall a nice piece well done and keep writing!
Hope this helped.

--Chips

I love this, I am going to share this with my friend. She was feeling this way, and she might still be. I have all of her best intentions in mind, and would be one of those people. Left behind, broken. It would be terrible, I would be a mess. The problem is suicide is so contagious, if someone you love very closely, commits suicide then you start feeling suicidal.

I love the last bit about continuing to spread happiness, and to love live and laugh.

I would just put live first, since that is what the whole poem is about. Living.

Great job!

I wish all people thought like this. For some, it isn't a thought that crosses their mind.

This was wonderful to read, to know that some people realize.

Thank you for putting it into words.

You have amazing poetic ability. Keep writing stuff like this, it is awesome. I wasn't a huge fan of the part when you said "The answer has always been and will always be, Forever," I know you are re-enforcing always but I just didn't think it worked the way you wanted it to. Other than that, this poem is awesome. (It was great over text too.) I would ask the inspiration but I know what was. You better "continue to love, live, and laugh" or I will drag you down to Earth so you can see how much pain you caused. You do spread happiness and you need to remember that. You did an awesome job on the poem, great job.

Awesome. That was some intense emotion. This was a pretty poem and very uplifting. We have all been suicidal. Suicide is a phase and everyone usually gets through it. They say that it only goes up from there which is true. So don't worry. Don't commit suicide. I don't want to see no teenager commit suicide.