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The Chosen Pessimist - In Flames

by CaptainStack


Tell me which side I’m on. These words echoed from ear to ear in a time that dripped destruction and gravely lacked sobriety. We were lost astray in a world that we had claimed was our kingdom; drowning in a pond we believed was our ocean. We would walk the streets, despising outsiders. These streets were ours and we enforced this knowledge. We would come alive in the heat of the day, angered by the world, infuriated by our foes and sickened by our situations. He who was greatly neglected by all who should’ve cared, he who was utterly abused by whoever could get close enough, she who grew in the shadow of her drug-thirsty brother and uninterested father, and she who faced darkness in the hateful eyes of an unknown man. We all had our stories, but that had no matter. This kingdom was a sanctuary, which held no room for judgment. When faced with each other, we became each other, one in the same.

Although we held different pains, we were each faced with a common, unrelenting burden that we shared. Approaching constant failure. We had come together in a bond as each of us gave up on hope, forgot true happiness and wanted nothing, absolutely nothing, but freedom. We had spent endless nights searching for this freedom, hoping we would find it in the smoke from our lungs, maybe in the breathless sky or the alcohol that stirred our souls. Slipping smoothly into an easier state, we would set fires, scream until our throats bled, and swayed to the lyrics of The Chosen Pessimist by the band In Flames.

We skipped, we danced, we flew. The skin of our knuckles would split against what ever object had the unfortunate role of surrogate. This was not a terrible time. It was in fact wonderful – perhaps not for our wellbeing – but for our souls. We found hearts in a seemingly heartless world. We sensed justice in an unjust world and we did it together. I fell in love for the first time and finally, I found a place that I truly belonged. It wasn’t perfect, but it was ours. Something we truly believed could never be taken away from us. And how wrong we were.

We were ruthlessly torn apart by our situations and the ways of the universe. The ringleader was the first to go, his mother finally deciding to leave the abuse behind them. Soon after, my love left to Pretoria after unfairly being accused of drug use. For a while, it was just my brother and I. Together, we stayed strong, spoke of our troubles and advised one another. It wasn’t long before he, too, had to leave. He was shipped off to boarding school because my parents could not take a second to realize that his behavior was due to a painful lack of love. And there is me. I was left to wander through the memory filled streets, lost in my empty heart and lonely to the point of despair. Trying to fight the feeling of abandonment, trying to remain in their memory. Carve my name in stone. May I never be forgotten.


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82 Reviews


Points: 13625
Reviews: 82

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Sun May 01, 2016 9:34 pm
Eternity says...



Ellooo it's me again.

This piece was very intriguing. I was hooked and the description and the amount of detail you included was very nice. I loved this work and I really can't say much at all. I loved the way you described everything in this piece.

There's only one thing;
As I've said you include great detail, there are some points you include a little too much detail.

Such as:

These words echoed from ear to ear in a time that dripped destruction and gravely lacked sobriety. We were lost astray in a world that we had claimed was our kingdom; drowning in a pond we believed was our ocean.


Other than a few places, you did very well. I loved reading this. Keep up the good work!




CaptainStack says...


Thank you very much! I have always struggled with too much description! I'm working on it!



User avatar
82 Reviews


Points: 13625
Reviews: 82

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Sun May 01, 2016 9:34 pm
Eternity wrote a review...



Ellooo it's me again.

This piece was very intriguing. I was hooked and the description and the amount of detail you included was very nice. I loved this work and I really can't say much at all. I loved the way you described everything in this piece.

There's only one thing;
As I've said you include great detail, there are some points you include a little too much detail.

Such as:

These words echoed from ear to ear in a time that dripped destruction and gravely lacked sobriety. We were lost astray in a world that we had claimed was our kingdom; drowning in a pond we believed was our ocean.


Other than a few places, you did very well. I loved reading this. Keep up the good work!




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17 Reviews


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Reviews: 17

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Sun May 01, 2016 1:30 am
BaileyTheHoosier wrote a review...



This piece was truthfully astonishing. The word choice, varying length of sentences, the flow. It's accomplished work and I can't really give much critique to it. I loved the way you described your feelings and how you intricately yet simply described the varying situations among everyone in your group. I would love to see you expand this.

My only huge problem is that you sometimes try to put too much description into too little of a space. Towards the beginning you said:

"These words echoed from ear to ear in a time that dripped destruction and gravely lacked sobriety. We were lost astray in a world that we had claimed was our kingdom; drowning in a pond we believed was our ocean."

I feel like you should either shorten the description or split it up into more than just two sentences. The description is actually incredible, just a lot to take in all at once.

Other than that, I look forward to reading more of your work! I loved almost everything about the piece. It's very descriptive and paints a very detailed picture on how you feel and what you go through.




CaptainStack says...


Thank you so much. I will pay attention to these Crits when writing in future :)



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11 Reviews


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Sat Apr 30, 2016 11:13 pm
NoStoryTime wrote a review...



This piece was very intriguing. I was hooked almost the whole time. The description and the amount of detail you put, were very lively and really brought my imagination to life.

I do have to say though, there was parts that I was not enamored with. For example, right a the beginning, "These words echoed from ear to ear in a time that dripped destruction and gravely lacked sobriety.", I felt like you were putting a little too much into one sentence. So much description in one sentence is a little much for the imagination. Maybe split up the descriptive parts into multiple different sentences and add some filling around those descriptions.

Another part that drew me away was, "The skin of our knuckles would split against what ever object had the unfortunate role of surrogate." With this part, I want to say that, you seem to like that "cunning" style of writing. I don't really understand what you meant by, "object had the unfortunate role of surrogate." I'm not sure if you don't know the definition of surrogate, or surrogate is what you meant to put, but forgot to add a detail before that sentence? Or you meant that your knuckles, or the object, took the place of one or the other. But the way you used surrogate isn't the way surrogate is used. You used surrogate as an adverb, when surrogate is a noun.

Those are my only critiques though. It was a great read and I hope you the best in your next works of art.




CaptainStack says...


Thank you very much for this review. :)




The magic is only in what books say, how they stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us.
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451