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yp.1

by CaptainJack



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904 Reviews


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Mon Jan 13, 2020 5:28 am
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alliyah wrote a review...



Hey Jack, here to review

as an art piece - it evokes a reaction; as immediately I want to disagree with it statement! Like HEY that's some good poems you're talking about there. But at the same time I have to question whether the content is supposed to be taken ironically / like it's a poem, but claiming to be art, is that to avoid the catch-22 of it also being considered bad - and is that a further critique or endorsement of people genre-leaving in order to break the limitations of the genre/form.

There's a lot of irony about the formatting being within an excel document - which math equations and charts normally go into, and the juxtaposition is interesting between the informal art/poem and the formal-format.

Of course it doesn't have to fit cleanly into art or poetry - that's exactly the type of media I love!

From a poem perspective - my favorite part was that poetry all ended up on the for right, and that YWS got flip flopped with the line breaks - for whatever reason it seemed even more offensive that way - so I liked that. The piece seems specifically designed to frustrate those who are really attached to a particular poetic form - because it is self-referential about that form being bad, and also not playing by those rules. [ie. where. is. your. end. punctuation.? <- this is sarcasm]

I disagree with Jaybird about most poetry on YWS having a bunch of flowery language - while you used to not be able to go 3 poems without seeing a reference to cracked ribs - nowadays it seems like the userbase is going more simplified, while still trying to be the same level of emotive.

I think this piece could be improved on two fronts -

1) making it veer more artsy, by adding like a clip-art frame or like a stroke of a random color running through it - I think there are just some ways you could amp that factor up more if this is really an art piece and not a poem in ways that would highlight the message

2) second, if you decide to do more like these - I think it'd be really interesting to take a little bit more advantage of the excel formatting - try to make some aspects an acrostic, have some color-coded forced rhyme scheme, push the obnoxious level up a bit - it'd be super cool honestly if you could write a poem that defied directional reading.

Overall, this poem seemed to come from a place of frustration and had a good ironic-bent, all good irony is going to offend a group of people, but you put it out there anyways. Your carving new territory - keep going for it!

- alliyah




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Sat Jan 11, 2020 5:47 pm
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Jaybird wrote a review...



Hey there, Jack! I haven't ever reviewed works put under "art" on YWS before, but I saw this lurking in the Green Room and wanted to try my hand at it. I apologize if this review is a little short and doesn't really help.

Even though this is filed under art and not poetry, it's about poetry. It does feel like it could fit underneath both; it reminds me of some of the abstract poetry Shey wrote for his book. I like how the format of your poem proves your point about good poetry not always matching the ideals of YWS. This has been up for nearly two weeks, but it hasn't gotten a single like or comment before mine. And I don't think I've seen any poems on here that use a spreadsheet as a background. :P

I also think the brevity is in your favor. YWS poetry usually involves flowery and complex word choices. This poem is relatively simple in comparison. It's like the format - it goes against what typically ends up in the literary spotlight.

My one critique is how you spaced out the words. Part of me really likes how there's a pattern, but the other part of me thinks a random spacing of the words might better fit with your poem's message. YWS poetry usually does fit a pattern. There's some abstract poems when it comes to formatting, but most poets have a style they stick with.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. Let me know if you have any questions about my review!





A good artist should be isolated. If he isn't isolated, something is wrong.
— Orson Welles