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Young Writers Society


18+ Language Violence Mature Content

How Do You Plead: 9.4

by Brigadier


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

The detective couldn’t help but laugh before he answered Reilly’s query. As he looked down at his blood covered hands, his voice became unsteady. Winslow carefully replied to the coroner by saying, “I haven’t killed anyone this time.”

From the other end of the line there was a bit of a sigh and the sound of a coat rustling.

“But I’m sure that someone has died because what other reason would there be to call a coroner,” Reilly paused.

In the background, Winslow could hear Reilly talking to his wife about packing a lunch box and what he wanted in his coffee. He set his own receiver down on the counter to turn the coffee pot on. The detective nearly dropped the precious china cup that he took down from the cabinet upon realizing just how expensive their “normal” set was. One saucer was probably worth more than a week’s rent for his entire apartment.

“Winslow!”

The faint shout came from the receiver and Winslow raced back to the phone to talk to the coroner.

“Winslow, are you there or just costing me a fortune on purpose?”

“I’m here, Brian. I’ll get you off the line before your wife decides to murder you.”

There was the rustling of paper once again as Reilly stated, “That would be much appreciated. Now whose house do I have to show up at this time with my case?”

Winslow hesitated as he thought about how to explain the situation. The doctor had just been at the Johnson house two days ago and probably wouldn’t be a fan of coming back anytime soon.

“It’s at the Johnson house. The butler has committed suicide,” the detective explained as he looked out into the gathering amount of cops in the hallway, completely surprised that they had arrived so soon.

There was only silence from the other end of the line, followed by another sigh and Reilly quietly saying, “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Thank-”

The other end of the line cut off before Winslow could get his message of thanks out to the coroner. He carefully hung up his receiver and then went back to the steaming pot on the open flame. The chosen delicate piece of china was seated on the counter top like a customer on a lunch counter.

“Oh don’t look at me like that,” the tired detective whispered to the piece of glassware.

Moments after uttering the words, the detective realized his complete lack of sleep and Winslow barely waited for the coffee to cool in his cup before he let the scalding black liquid run down his throat. Within a few sips, he found his ability to set the cup down and walked into the main hallway in his blood covered state.

Without any prompting from the patrol officers, the detectives and crime scene technicians, the detective confidently greeted them with, “Good morning, gentlemen. The body is right upstairs in the butler’s bathroom.”

If anyone from the gallery had any commentary on the body upstairs or the blood on the detective’s clothing, they didn’t make their thoughts known. Winslow gave out a few quick sets of directions, giving a summary of the situation, and turning back to his own dire situation.

Reilly’s chief assistant medical examiner was the only one to speak and he asked, “Is there anything else we should know about the state of the body, Detective Smith?”

In an effort to protect the dignity of Mr. O’Keefe, Winslow pulled the medical examiner aside. In a hushed voice he explained, “Once you go into the bathroom, make sure to cover the butler immediately with a sheet and guard the body until Reilly gets here.”

“Is it a sensitive situation, Winslow?”

“Very sensitive,” the detective answered while nodding. The assistant medical examiner gave him a quick nod and an even quicker “okay” before walking away.

As an entire troupe, the crime scene detectives marched up the stairs with their cases and a sheet draped gurney. A few detectives dispersed throughout the house to hunt down the members of the staff while other detectives and a majority of the patrol officers.

One of the few men left behind was Officer Morgan, who quickly pulled the detective to the side of the main hallway. He tipped back his hat as he looked Winslow directly in the eye and asked, “Winslow, could I have a word with you?”

“You’ve already pulled me off to the side of the room and asked a question, Abe, so you seem to have already had a word with me.”

“I don’t think this is the time and place to be making jokes like that, Detective Smith.”

As if to remind Winslow of the time and the place that they were in, Morgan very obviously pointed his chin at the staircase and then returned to staring Winslow down. He just wasn’t sure where the young patrol officer was trying to stare him down to, certainly not to either of their knees. Because as Morgan had just explained it was neither the time nor the place.

“Detective Smith! I don’t know what is on your mind to be smiling like that but I would have thought you were better than the rest of them.”

Winslow looked back into the eyes that were so intently focused on his own and mumbled a generic reply. He gathered his wits for another few seconds before asking, “So what did you want to ask me about, Morgan?”

“Well…”

“Well what?”

“Will you interview Mrs. Johnson and the maid this time? They’re in the library and I tried to interview them but it just didn’t work.”

“I’ll interview them and as a favor to you, I’m going to recommend you stay out of the butler’s bedroom.”

The detective gave the patrol officer a quick hidden peck on the cheek as he agreed to do the interview and then walked off to the other side of the hall. It was just a few quick steps across beautiful carpets to explain a great tragedy.

Winslow approached the open library doors with the teary eyed Mrs. Johnson inside and stepped forward to begin the interview. He turned quickly on his heel, locking the door right after he shut it, and then gathered his nerves to say, “Mrs. Johnson, we need to have a chat.”


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1485 Reviews


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Tue Jun 16, 2020 7:37 am
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hey there!

Wow I'm all over the place with this one. I've seen random parts of it but not sure in which order... so sorry if my reviews don't make as much sense because of it! Perhaps (although I know it's a little bit of extra work) you could add a short sentence or two at the beginning of each post giving a very brief overview of what's happened so far? Totally up to you but you may find you get more reviews (or at least reviews with a bit more context).

Anyway, with that onto the review! I've missed Winslow's dry sense of humour ;)

Winslow carefully replied to the coroner by saying,

This is a very passive way of phrasing and I think it would fit better with a bit of a shift e.g. put the speech first and then 'Winslow carefully replied'.

He set his own receiver down on the counter to turn the coffee pot on.

At first, I thought he hung up! Not sure if you can be clearer or if it's just me.

The detective nearly dropped the precious china cup that he took down from the cabinet upon realizing just how expensive their “normal” set was. One saucer was probably worth more than a week’s rent for his entire apartment.

How does he know how expensive it is?

Also, I really have to agree with the other review, it becomes very difficult at times to tell who is who when you refer to them both by name and by job title. Then when you referred to Reilley as Brian I really got lost! It's a challenge, I know but try using at one title (name or profession) as a majority and then only throw the other in occasionally? I'm not sure what would work best, but play around with it a little.

Hopefully this is helpful.

Icy :)




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Sun Jun 14, 2020 4:20 pm
keystrings wrote a review...



Hello there. I'm very behind on this, but I have read various chapters throughout this whole novel, and I figured I would at least give a deserved review.

In all of your different books, you've got a very distinct way of writing, using a decent amount of nouns to describe characters, i.e.: ("The detective" instead of "Winslow" or "the coroner" instead of "Reilly"). This definitely feels like a stylistic choice, but sometimes I think the reader runs into a bit of confusion when too many descriptor nouns are used instead of names/pronouns. I think there's a challenge, though, to find the perfect number of names, pronouns, and other nouns, so I'm not sure how to give advice on this. Just thought I would point that out.

The immediate snarky lines between Winslow and Reilly definitely hint at a developed friendship between the two of them, which I like. Not to mention, it's a bit amusing to be reminded of the mundane things in life despite investigating a death/murder/suicide and calling someone to examine the body while also listening to someone ask about lunch and coffee. Also, Winslow muttering to the glassware like it was judging him was a nice touch.

Also, I forget how many different people Winslow seems to have attracted into his sphere of relations, for lack of a better term, so that quick kiss caught my attention, but maybe I'm reading too into that. I like that Mrs. Johnson is there to be questioned, especially when the rest of the police staff are trying to track all the other staff down. There may be some good things coming out for next chapter then, in this investigation, even though this is another body to add to the total number.

I think this was a good chapter in between scenes, especially when hopefully some plot stuff will happen in the next section with Winslow talking to the Mrs. Johnson.





Remember: the plot is nothing more than footprints left in the snow after your characters have run by on their way to incredible destinations.
— Ray Bradbury