Young Writers Society

Hello, steampowered here for a review! I haven’t read the other reviews, so hopefully I’m not going to reiterate what anyone else has already said. This is my own opinion on the poem.

I took the stairs and watched the lift rise

I would gladly roll the boulder up the mountain
just so I can see it at the top for one moment
even if it goes back down straight after.

because success is only gauged in others' eyes.

This is such an amazing work of art!! Every word adds flavor to this magnificent poem. The meaning is so deep, but simply put in a way that connects with the reader in a deeper, more moving way, despite the poems shortness. It inspires the reader to do things for themselves and not to do them because of others or their opinions. Ten thumbs up!!!!!!

A simple moving work of art!
Wow! loving it!
Painting a picture of perseverance and aiming high.
Despite circumstances keep trying and moving high.
I like the theme behind this beautifully written work of art.
Pleasing to the ears and pleasure to the eyes when I imagined the picture
you drew in my head.
Bravo!
Love it!

Hi I thought this poem was really great. The language you used to convey something that is completely accurate and true is really amazing.
The first stanza was great. Awesome way to start off this poem.
However, the second stanza stumped me a little. I thought it lost some of its flow and it had a lot to do with the line that says "even if it goes back down straight after"
Maybe something like "even if I have to watch it tumble to the ground"? I love the last line in that stanza though. "But what do you do when your boulder is the mountain?" I thought the question fit perfectly. The last stanza was my favorite. You brought the poem into your focal point here and everything you said was so true. That stanza was insanely powerful. Really nice work. You are an amazing writer.

Hi CandyWizard!
I really like the poem! The meaning is so true - and the way you used a series of very simple metaphors really gets the point across strongly.

The first verse is amazing. The rhyming is perfect and the way you literally take the reader soaring up with you with the words you used such as "biggest wings, as high and rise" etc... really makes the reader hope etc... with you. But the last line plummets the reader right back down again-as I guess you intended. It really works amazingly.

I like the metaphor in the second verse. Its something we can all apply to in our lives. And I love the way you described the real problem as being because the bolder is the mountain. Again, a lot of people can relate to that. But it takes the reader on less of an "emotional journey" I guess. Because they are already disappointed that the boulder goes back down straight after.

My favourite line is "because success is only gauged in other's eyes". Its so true really gets to the reader. And the last line is also great.
I think the last verse overall is very powerful. Because of the steady rhythm even though it is free verse, and your word choice is perfect.

If I had to give you one improvement, it would probably be to include a few more rhymes. I'm guessing you wanted it to be free verse but I think the poem as a whole would have an even bigger impact if you made some lines rhyme with one another.

Great poem. Keep writing!
Tick tock

Hello CandyWizard!
I really enjoyed this poem, and for quite a few reasons. Firstly, you kept the rhythm of the poem solid even though it seems to be free verse (I can never do this, and applaud people that can). Second, you didn't go too far overboard with the metaphor; it wasn't super over-the-top, and you kept with a general theme--there was one bit that bothered me, but I'll get to that in the nitpicks part of the review. Finally, I just like finality you put into it. It's very well written, and however hopeless the ending seems, I still love how it turned out.
Alright, so poetry in general can be pretty hard to review, especially when the poems are short and contain no grammatical errors. For this reason, I only really have three minor nitpicks.
The first is that you go from talking about metaphorical wings, lifts, and first floors, and then to boulders and mountains, and finally to walls, tunnels, fading lights, and being taken for granted. I understand it's a metaphorical journey--a sort of way to describe life, and trying but not always succeeding, and the cruelties of others--but it did feel like it jumped around quite a lot. Not as bad as some poems, but still worth mentioning.
The second nitpick is the last stanza's line count in comparison to the first two. I can't recall if this is a format type, but it was sort of awkward for me to get into the flow of things and have to find the space in a breath to fit in that last line. Like I said, super minor, but I still figured I'd mention it.
The last thing is almost as silly as the second, and it's that in your first stanza, every line begins with "I". XD This is more of a pet peeve than anything, to be honest.
Anyways, this was a beautiful poem, and I really enjoyed it!! I hope you keep writing poetry

Great job! This poem is so true, and it had a really strong ending. I loved how the whole poem was a metaphor, and how the speaker has perseverance even when he/she knows that it won't be enough. Since this poem was really neat and shortish, I won't have much that I would change. Just that you might want to put commas at the end of each line. It helps break everything up a bit. Maybe it's a choice in style not to do it, and you don't have to listen to my advice. Other than that, I think it was perfect. Good work with the descriptions and metaphors!