Woah. I really like this poem. Good job, CandyWizard!
I will let you down
You say that it's never the end,
That I could always pick myself up after a fall.
You always have so much faith in me,
But I don't deserve it
Because when you try to lift me up
I just add more unnecessary burden.
You said that you just want me to be happy,
Because that's the kind of person that you are.
Not the kind that just keeps
Complaining on and on
And hardly does anything about it;
On the verge of giving up.
You tell me you want to help me,
But I always push you away.
It won't be long now before
I push you so far, I never see you again.
The thought of that keeps me awake at night.
The thought of that wakes me from my dreams of you.
Now, I tell you: I don't deserve you.
And you do not deserve my burden;
Or to be let down every time you try to look up to me;
Or to say that "it's fine" after I say that I'm sorry.
I never ever want to hurt you,
But I'll probably do it again if you let me.
This poem is the daily struggle of teens around the world, every day. To be quite honest I can relate to that poem soo badly. It could be about me and my mom; like whenever I mess up at school or say something bitchy or dumb to her. I know that I get her so exhausted and sick of me that she would rather send me to boarding school than give me advice that usually goes from one ear through another.....but she keeps coming back and still loves me even through all the crap I give her.
Or it could be about me and my sister; I know that I can be the worst big sister on this damn planet to her and I can be so mean and rude, but when I appologize she just says"it's alright," even though we both know it's not. These figures in our lives love us so much not matter what, especially in those moments when we don't deserve them, because that is when they love us the most.
-Great Writing, keep it up!
- Jackie Villegas
Hai :3 <3
I don't know much about poetry (as you know 
) but I want to try and give you a worthy review.
Now if I'm correct (I bet 9/10 I'm not) poems are supposed to flow a bit, sort of like music. I love the message of this poem but there are moments when the flows stops and it sounds a little strange/off:
You said that you just want me to be happy,
Because that's the kind of person that you are.
Not the kind that just keeps
Complaining on and on
And hardly does anything about it;
On the verge of giving up.
And hardly does anything about it;
On the verge of giving up.
It won't be long now before
I push you so far, I never see you again.
First review so yeah lets start with the pros.
1. You use a good form of repetition which gives a good effect of the events in this poem happening again and again.
2. It looks fairly good overall
Now the cons
1. It felt slow at times as some words could have been replaced with shorter and more effective ones.
2. There is a bit too much repetition at times leading it to sound boring.
Well thats my review I hope my criticisms can help you improve your work.
Hi- Hunter here for a review!!
Im terrible with grammar, Ill be honest. The poem was vary moving. I can relate to the feeling of this poem. The flow is a bit choppy at times. a few tweets to the rewording would be good.
"I just add more unnecessary burden."
Try replacing "more" with 'An' or 'Another'
Also, try not extending the same sentence more than two lines. This will help the flow resume.
"On the verge of giving up."
Try prolonging this into a full sentence by adding 'I'm' at the beginning or 'I am'
"But I'll probably do it again if you let me."
Try some more rewording of sentences. This one is okay, but if you want you could replace "but" with 'Honestly,'
Your writing is very good. keep up the good work.
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