Just saw this and I absolutely love it. How did you format this?
She listens in.
There's an annoying buzz in her violin.
The anger boiling inside her makes her wanna be violent.
Her face is getting so red-hot, someone should call the firemen.
She can't quit, she needs to play. To her it's just like taking a vitamin.
She loves it: from scroll to waist, to the place where you rest your chin,
But her blonde head gets ready to detonate when she lays bow to string.
It's so irritating, and nobody else can even hear it! But she can't break it
either – it's not bought, it's borrowed. Though, she would like to take it
and bury it in her backyard, after she uses it as a shovel to dig the hole!
She feels like this buzz is making a dark stain on her soul, as dark as coal.
It makes her want to flip over a table, or cut through her neighbor's Wi-Fi cable.
How she wants to be able to throw it from a moving airplane, or under a heavy train!
And then she would repair it just so she could do it once again.
It's that stupid buzz – she promises she's not unstable,
not higher than eighty-three on the periodic table.
Nobody would lend an ear to her, so, in the end,
what can she do about it, but complain to a friend?
They sat down to talk and started to chat about her cat,
then about how they always complained to each other too much.
The friend decided that he wouldn't stand idle. He could not get rid
of the annoying buzz for her, but he could try to make it less annoying.
And so, he thought he'd give writing a poem for her a shot. He sought to
write something which he has not seen done a lot, and to hopefully put a
smile on her face, which is red-hot with anger, if you remember. But he,
after a while of putting his poetry skills on trial, started to write with a
declining style. The rhymes were not neat, and sometimes they were
incomplete, but they did their best to compete with the sweet
lines of other people. But we all know that
rhymes are not what the readers
are after. You want a deeper
meaning to the work you're
reading. So, with this I will
leave thee: This poem is a
piece about persisting to
write even when it's hard
and a piece about being
there for friends, and
most importantly, a
piece of me, and a
piece of her, both
of us instruments
for creating the outline of an instrument, her instrument.
Or, simply about explaining the poem and being a buzzkill.
Whatever the case,
I hope that whatever is bugging her, be it a buzz in her violin,
metaphoric or not, fades away just like the rhymes in this poem,
and gets replaced
with a smile.
This was so beautiful, CandyWizard. No matter what you end up doing in life, please never stop inspiring people. <3
Oh my gosh its in the shape of a violin. Brilliance on your part. I was wondering why there was a contrast in the line lengths.
First off, I'd like to say, that I really did like this poem. But I have a few concerns.
I love music, like really love it. But your poem was hard to get through because it didn't hook me. For some reason it feels a little forced because to me a violin doesn't mix with anger very well. Also, the rhyming scheme was good, but I feel like it hindered your poem. It didn't flow well because it was forced.
I liked your poem and it has great potential! I hope you keep fixing it up, because that's honestly my favorite part about writing! Editing is fun.
Great job,
Ever
Dear CandyWizard,
I am amazed at the time and effort you must have put into this. Although the rhymes don't follow a specific pattern, and the language is repetitive in places (example: making a DARK stain on her soul, as DARK as coal), I admire how hard you have tried. As a fellow poetry writer, I know how hard it is to cut out pieces of poem or put new ones in just to fit a goal, which, in your case, is getting this to be in the shape of your friend's horrid instrument. It must have taken a great deal of work to make this turn out as well as it has, and a lot of trial, error, and formatting to make this such an awesome thing. I've only noticed one small thing that didn't make sense to me, and that is in the sentence, " both of us instruments
for creating the outline of an instrument, her instrument". Are you saying that you are both instruments or do you mean that you both use instruments and you just left a word or two out? Also, if you are both instruments, do you mean the tool kind of instrument or the musical kind? Sorry for all the questions, and Happy New year!
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