I think this was just totally different sought of poem.Pretty interesting.
In short u tried to express a lot ,and it worked out perfectly.the idea was fabulous.
Keep it up buddy!
~Ani~
z
Babylon watched the
golden hand carve out their doom, usurp
them from prominence and clip their guardian
angel’s wings as the dust with its million
hungry mouths devoured their history,
eroded the laws of exodus, and withered
the pomegranate sweetness that budded
amongst the pebbles when it rained.
I think this was just totally different sought of poem.Pretty interesting.
In short u tried to express a lot ,and it worked out perfectly.the idea was fabulous.
Keep it up buddy!
~Ani~
I'm not so sure about where the line breaks are either but then again this seems to be poetic prose rather than poetry and I'm still finding it difficult to critique things like that.
It's good though. Some of the description is nice and the general idea is good so well done.
I'm curious as to why this poem has no critiques, and yet so many inferior ones have plenty... hm. On to the crit! Suggested corrections, first. ^_^
Babylon watched the
golden hand carve out their doom, usurp
them from prominence and clip their guardian
angel’s wings as the dust with its million,
tiny, hungry mouths devoured their history,
eroded the laws of exodus, and withered the
pomegranate sweetness that budded amongst
the pebbles when it rained.
Points: 1125
Reviews: 368
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