Published August 9, 2006
Let it drown away the pain
Nothing can harm me from behind this wall
This invisible barrier
Them foes strike feebly at it
b-b-but it cannot touch me
My eyes won’t close
Mirage dances across my sightline
Like underwater
I can’t breathe
Can’t swallow
The tremors run along my limbs
Racking my body,
drenching it in a cold sweat.
It Screams for relief
MORE MEDICINE!
For that’s what it is-- medicine
Sweet amber liquid,
flow along my veins
and kiss better my hurt
Oh God
H-H-Help
Don’t let it get me God
There are things that… that… that
Creep along my skin
Too small for me to see,
But they bite hard and deep
Drawing unseen blood
pearly red, crystalline
and bright in the light
My eyes are swallowed by the dark iris
Dead eyes,
blank unseeing eyes
that swallow the light alive
I am dead
Let me die
I am already burning alive in this hell
God…
Where are You?
You gasp
Bliss
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Overall, I liked this, but I think you should lose the ellipses and separate into stanzas.
This line could flow better if you broke it up and used some puncuation. It's a little confusing as-is. I might write it like:
Sweet amber liquid,
Flow along my veins
And kiss away my hurt.
Other than those little things, great job!