Published September 15, 2006
Ever wonder if everything as we know it is divisible by three--
the father, son and holy ghost?
Lying awake you ponder this as your father groans in pain as
the cancer chariot races down his bloodstream.
A bold prayer is a selfish act you tell yourself to keep from
crying as you murmur wistful pleas into the air,
While the draft from your open window shreds them to incoherent
pieces before you finish calling [heaven] collect.
Service charges are expensive and phone lines are usually busy,
but you figure you can wait awhile since life support is covered.
Maybe since the ‘divine plan’ is still a rough draft, there might yet
be room for revision but deep down you’re struggling,
To accept the fact that you're not qualified to write that article,
and even though it involves us all, the editor doesn’t want our input.
Earnest words fall on deaf ears, but did you really expect anything different,
at least he had the decency to allow the weather to express what you’re feeling.
God--
just tell me why
[You let my father die]
Note: Feel free to comment, my father is alive and well, this was written from a creative standpoint only.
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I loved this concept. I read a lot of poetry, but have not found a piece that deals with something like this. It brings an interesting take on everything which works together well.
This is the only stanza I don't like. I think it is weak compared to the rest of the poem, and to me doesn't fit as well.
That is pure genius. My favourite part. I loved it.
Like the review before, I do not see how your title relates to your poem which is something you may need to look upon.
I think you should consider putting some of the stanzas together. Just a thought.
PM for anything.
Well done.
~Retro Disco666
This isn't the first time I have seen this, but I noticed that your title is not very similar to your poem. It's not as bad as some, but It could use a little revising.
I liked the poem itself a lot, though I did not agree with the second-to-last stanza.
I also noticed that in the last stanza you suddenly went from third person to first person. Was this intentional?