When Chin got out of her bed she couldn’t hear anyone and it was nerve racking. As she crept towards the window, she heard a loud BOOM as the door opened with anger. Her father ran towards her and raised his fist. Chin said “I will never let you hit me again!” Chin immediately jumped out of the window before her father could strike. Chin’s mother, heard all the noise and ran downstairs and saw Chin running away and she ran straight after her. Chin ran for hours and eventually fell asleep in the woods.
The next morning Chin felt a big sense of relief because she finally made it away after being physically abused by both parents. Chin’s parents were peasants so they didn’t have much money and they were forced to work on the Great Wall of China. Soon after she woke up, she heard something so she didn’t dare to move. After a few moments, she saw a person. It was a little girl her age, Chin greeted the girl and then they quickly became friends. Chin told her story about how she was abused since she was 4 years old and Chun had the same problem and they talked about how hard it was to live with their parents. Chin explained that “Since I was 4 if I didn’t do something right they would kick me and if I did it right they would point out something wrong about it.” Chun tells Chin that her parents also always yelled and hit her all the time and that she also needed to get away. Both of the girl's family believed in Confucianism. Chin says “Confucianism is a religion where it is meant to find the good thing in everyone. ”How does confucianism make sense if my parents just beat me up every day?” Chun agreed with Chin. The two girls decide that they will need to steal in order to eat. The also decided that they did not need to follow the dumb rules of Confucianism. Chun suggests that they make their way to the lights because that is where the city is. As the friends pass a small town, they see a bread shop and they could smell the amazing aroma of bread baking. Chun devises a plan to distract the baker so they could steal the bread. Chun walked up to the baker and asked for some bread for free because she had no money. The baker explained that he cannot give out free food like that. He told Chun that she needed to get money and the money looked like a circle with a square hole in the middle. As the baker talked to Chun, Chin snuck and grabbed 4 loaves of bread. That night they found a place to sleep and they ate every piece of the bread.
The next morning they woke up to a pounding noise and they discovered the noise was the peasants working on the Great Wall of China. The peasants hated that the Emperor forced most of the peasants to abandon their farms to work on the Great Wall. They fear that one day they will be forced to work on that wall. The girls dreamed about how life would be like if they were Nobles. Nobles had a better life than peasants but they still had their ups and downs. Nobles did not like the bureaucracy because they got replaced with government officials.
Chun’s clothes were getting dirty and ragged so the girls decided to steal again. As the girls tried to sneak the clothes out of the shop, a man grabbed Chin. The clothes were really soft and they were beautifully embroidered. Unlike the clothes for peasants which were made of cotton and wool. Chin dropped the clothing and the man took a look at the girls and felt sorry for them. The man asked why they wanted to steal from him. Chin explained that she was beat up by her parents and was forced to run away. The girls told the man how they found each other and that they had no food and ragged clothes. The girls felt safe around this wise man.
The wise man allowed the girls to live behind his store and he taught them how to sew and make clothing. The girls told the man that they don’t believe in confucianism. “We were both abused by our parents and we don’t think just because our parents are older than us that we have to obey what they say”. The wise man said that he will get the girl’s parents in trouble for abusing the girls.Punishment for those who disagreed with the emperors was swift and harsh.The wise man began to teach the girls about Confucius. “First of all, Confucius was born in 551 BCE and he taught us that everyone is a good person and has good character.” He explained that everyone can be teachable and perfectible. He told them this so they would learn from their mistake.
The girls lived with the wise man and he became a Father to them. They both went on to get married and were able to teach Confucianism to all of their children and live a happy life. Both girls were happy with the simple life as a peasant. When the empire collapsed the nobles kept people safe like the peasants so they were happy and protected.One day they were invited to Qin Shi Huang palace to eat because off what they did and how they overcame abuse. Peasants had to respect people more than anyone because they were the lowest rank. The Qin dynasty lasted from 221 to 206 BC.
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140,296 Literary Works • 673,080 Reviews
Hi Camo. Nice story it was really cool and informative, which made it really cool.I liked your use of showing not telling throughout the whole story it made it even better. Only two things I wonder if your story could be in 1st not 3rd person. Also why were people working on the great wall of China. Overall though really really great job.
I really liked your story! It was detailed, informative, and emotional. I liked your use of showing not telling throughout the whole story it made it even better. Only one thing I wonder if your story could be in 1st not 3rd person. Overall great job.
Hi Cameron!
I really enjoyed reading your story! It made me feel as if I was in Ancient China. I really liked the characters. You really seemed to understand the concept of "static" and "dynamic" characters as well as "round" and "flat" characters. However, I would consider adding a bit more dialogue or spreading your dialogue out so that it looks neat. (make a new paragraph each time someone says something) No biggy though, especially from me because my story doesn't have any dialogue. Overall you did a really good job.
-Isaiah G.
I really like your story but there are a few changes that it think you should make. I think when you talk about them running away should show not tell and show how it felt to jump out the window. I also see that there is not a space in between the period after girls and before punishment. the last thing that i would change is that at the end of the story it seams like your trying to cram in facts ware if you incorporated it a little early in the story it might be a little more smooth.
Hi nice story i like your detail and the base line of your story.You had lots of great historical content, the only thing i wonder about is if you could have told when someone else was talking. It kind of had me lost through out the story but other then that great story. well done and nice job keeping with what we where learning about
nice job
Hi Cam!So I really liked your story and your historical elements.I wonder if you could have indented every time a different person talked.I really really liked the story line!And finally I wonder if you could have Incorporated a better ending by concluding a bit smoother and not a fact.also I wonder if you could change the names because they are really similar and it easy to get confused with who's who.
Why did you say this three times? Two were comments, (and identical) and one was a review. Why?
Hi Cam!So I really liked your story and your historical elements.I wonder if you could have indented every time a different person talked.I really really liked the story line!And finally I wonder if you could have Incorporated a better ending by concluding a bit smoother and not a fact.also I wonder if you could change the names because they are really similar and it easy to get confused with who's who.
Hey Cameron,
I really liked this story because of the way you described Confucianism. Such as
“First of all, Confucius was born in 551 BCE and he taught us that everyone is a good person and has good character.”
I wonder if you could have had the girl say her name instead of just putting it in there because their names are so similar. I also wonder if we could have learned more about the man: Does he have a family? Kids? Is he rich? But overall a very good story!
From Garrett
Hi Cam!So I really liked your story and your historical elements.I wonder if you could have indented every time a different person talked.I really really liked the story line!And finally I wonder if you could have Incorporated a better ending by concluding a bit smoother and not a fact.also I wonder if you could change the names because they are really similar and it easy to get confused with who's who