Chapter 1
A Bookworm’s Torment
An Italian aircraft first flown in 1937 is the Mc.200 Saetta. This low-wing, monoplane aircraft was produced by Aeronautica Macchi. In spite of the fact that the MC.200 Saetta is difficult to control when executing a right-angled turn, its production was approved of. This fighter plane comprises an air-cooled radial engine and is often used as a ‘cacciabombardiere’ or fighter-bomber. Manoeuvrability is one of…
Richard’s face took on a contemplative expression - the irises of his eyes shot upwards and his brows furrowed in concentration - as he analysed the MC. 200 Saetta. He was very adept when it came to studying aircraft models. His mind was a warzone itself, creating hypothetical situations where planes pitted themselves against each other. At the mention of the ‘cacciabombardiere’, Richard pouted his lips comically as he often did when encountering a concept difficult to understand.
Such minute changes in his visage gave away the droves of war planes currently gunning their way around Richard’s fertile brain, accompanied by the booms of falling bombs and the rattle of machine guns. His young mind gobbled up the pros and cons of every new fighter plane almost instantaneously, comparing it to the vast amount of aircraft he already knew about. Richard rarely struggled to remember what he read. His memory was like parched land, and information was like dewy raindrops.
Neatly arranged stacks of books encircled the boy’s library, giving it the structure of an ancient educational arena of sorts. For Richard, the information the books contained were as precious as pearls hidden within pages of ink. He hungered to pry open their covers and claim what was inside as his own.
Richard went to extraordinary lengths to categorise his books according to their subjects and respective authors; he couldn’t bear wasting time to search for them because he had neglected to be organised. Chemistry, technology, history – every book belonged to its own section.
However, warfare was the one subject that combined all others into one colossal mechanism. Richard was fascinated by the ways of war. Evidently so through amount of books dedicated to the subject in his library, and through the many nights he spent awake in bed with a book on his knees. He knew about warfare the way a farmer knows about his fields.
Despite Richard’s tender age and the naivety which so often accompanies it, the boy was not deterred from seeking knowledge. Knowledge which might get his father through the next dogfight. Not even the stifling heat of summer could sway his determination. Young Richard was truly the definition of a budding scholar.
The constant search for information was spurred by images of a blood-soaked, wide-eyed parent lying motionless on the ground. Richard feared for his father’s life as any fifteen year-old would. At first, this fear made itself felt in small dozes – mainly through flashbacks to happy times. However, one nightmare was enough to transform his fear into paranoia, paranoia which was the cause of more nightmares.
A coarsely-built chair hiding behind a table sat in the middle of Richard’s library. The books were like the stone of a fortress, shielding the boy from the harsh reality of war. Thus Richard spent a better part of his young life studying. He no longer relied on his father to guide him through his education – that person was missing from his life now. So it was that Richard took the responsibility of growing into an educated man upon himself.
During the day, he would involuntarily experience premonitions - or what he thought were premonitions - of the policeman with the telegram knocking on the front door. During the early stages of the night, the boy would resist the temptation of allowing his eyelids to droop before eventually he too conceded defeat. Even young minds and bodies require sleep and Richard was no exception.
So Richard traded – he gave his fears to Sleep and Sleep gave him energy in return. It was like a snake coiled around his mind for it did not allow him to escape unscathed from their bartering. Sleep’s triangular head was poised parallel to his brain as it awaited the release of just one strand of fear. Then, as if given the signal to strike, it attacked like a mechanical animal, again and again. In his sleep, Richard would twist and turn in his sheets as the poison was injected into his dreams.
Sleep did not rely solely on nightmares to inflict pain. Like a courtesan, it awarded Richard temporary euphoria. The greater the short-lived bliss, the harder the downfall. Thus Richard also had good dreams. His father was still at home in most of them. Richard would appear as a toddler protesting uproariously with tears running down his cheeks as his parents kissed. Then they would turn to him and dote on their baby. His father would lean forward to kiss his child, but he never did. Richard always woke up, mouth and eyes stretched harmoniously into a delighted grin. The grin which comes before the realisation that happiness was nothing but a dream, the grin which comes before the grief-revealing tears.
1
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
Hello! Your first chapter is very well written and your descriptions are wonderful. Probably what I like the most of your piece is how it so effortlessly moves from topic to topic without much resistance at all. And you've also planned your paragraphs correctly as well, which is definitely part of the reason why your topics could be so easily interwoven. Your descriptions were also quite marvelous; you made the setting seem so much more real and easily imagined in most of the chapter.
However, I do have a couple questions that came up. Firstly, is his knowledge of aircraft models a specialization, or is it just another subject in which he is knowledgeable of? Later on he mentions his intense knowledge of warfare and it seems as though that would be his specialization of knowledge, so I was just wondering. I only mention it because every person needs one subject they are especially adept at, no matter how genius the person.
Secondly, what happened to his mother? There is no mention of her besides in his dreams, and you do not explain if she died as well. Is she still alive and taking care of Richard, and just unmentioned yet, or is she gone as well? If the second is the case, then who is taking care of him? He can't just be living on his own, unless later on you give a plausible reason as to why he might be.
Although your topics do flow together wonderfully, it seems that that's what this first chapter only is. A few different topics concerning Richard's life written eloquently, yet ultimately without a clear direction. Where is the beginning of the plot? You've described Richard, and a bit of his past, but you didn't actually introduce his point for being there, or what's going to happen to him next. If you're thinking "It's in the next chapter, just read on." then tell me this. If I have no sort of beginning of a plot in the first chapter, why should I be motivated to read on? Not everyone will be so curious to continue, and often want that bit of excitement of a beginning of a journey right then and there in the first chapter.
So, moving on in your book, just remember that sometimes descriptions and memories won't always be what gets you readers. But I'm not saying they weren't good, because your descriptions are stellar.
Alright, hope I could help! Keep writing!
Hi Picklesole! Thanks a lot for your review, really appreciate it!
As a general rule, yes, most of the questions you asked are affirmed or negated in the next chapter with the exception of the first - yes, he is specifically interested in warfare as it has been the characterisation of his past few months, and also explains what his father has to deal with day by day (I don't know whether I made clear that his father is fighting in the war).
To be honest, this was the introductory chapter. I see your point though, ...my writing does not really encourage people to read on as the plot does not really take hold in this chapter.
Further on, certain experiences are going to unfold. I'm not sure whether to make any changes here though! What would you suggest? Thanks
Well as for changing it, it could help to just add a bit more at the end of the current moment he's in, if that makes sense. Introductions are written without mentioning the specific time the character is living in usually, so maybe just having a small cliffhanger would even work without mentioning specific plot points. For example, somebody could be interrupting his studying by calling out his name. Just like that the reader wonders who could possibly be calling his name, and if you add in a second statement that makes the situation more mysterious, then said reader will have to figure out what the initial person called out to Richard for. I'm not entirely sure what you could change, if you really needed to because this chapter does a fine job standing on its own, but I still have yet to read the second chapter so maybe once I do everything will be cleared up. So the moral of the story would be to do what you like, I guess.
This was an astonishing piece of work! You started out strong and ended just as strong. Bravo! The way you described Richard connected me with him on a personal level. You are very advanced in character depth and personality. This guy fits me like a shell.
You gave perfect reasoning's beneath his book-worm, scholar exterior. Also you added a soul to his flying brain. The dream about his father was a bitter-sweet fantasy that I think most people an relate too in at least a small way. Points for characterization, plot line and style! I could smell the fresh pages, ripe for the intellectual picking. I really enjoyed your work.
Keep writing!
Hi there!
This is a great transition. I does well to talk about his young age and fascination for scholarly topics as well.You are my 700th review; and I'm glad to have stumbled upon this.
Honestly, I really enjoyed reading it. It was interesting, a fresh outlook; and a good plotline in the works. Kudos, on that!
So, anyway, onto my comments:
I enjoyed the start. It was a good way to take off from the title of the story and interesting enough for the reader to want to read more of the story.
I don't really have much to critique here. Good opening chapter. It makes me want to read the next installment.
One little nitpick - he is eleven? I figured he was in the 15-17 age range; and I'm not entirely sure if when you mentioned 11, it's of a past event, or now.
A little clarity would be great.
And if 11, to me, it's seems a bit too much of a stretch to read so much, to the extent that you have described. Boy geniuses, well, it depends on how crucial it is to your story. I would advice against doing so, for the heck of doing so.
Anyway, cheers!
~Lava
Hi Lava, thanks for the review
Yes, it has already been pointed out to me that 11 seems somewhat far-fetched, and I agree - it's not a crucial element in any way. Thanks!
Timmyjake here to give you a review! Yay! Its a first chapter!
I have been told that it is hard to give a review to someone on content if you are reading the fourth or so chapter. You say that you don't understand something and they're like, What? Read the other chapters, dummy!
Ok, you are really good at describing everything. What you write down I can see in my mind.
Richard’s face took on a contemplative expression - the irises of his eyes shot upwards and his brows furrowed in concentration - as he analysed the MC. 200 Saetta. He was very adept when it came to studying aircraft models. His mind was a warzone itself, creating hypothetical situations where planes pitted themselves against each other.
So descript on what he is thinking and what he looks like, but without spending a few pages to tell it! Awesome!
Now he seems too much like a boy genius. A Mozart, or heaven forbid, an Artemis Fowl. Personally, I would make him 14 or so, making him being interested in this stuff and knowing that stuff seeming a little less absurd. You seem to have a lot of these. - Most not in right places. Places where commas or new sentences should be. I don't actually know what they do. If you do, then please tell me. I have put a few in my book because they "look good", but if a period or commas fits better, then ditch the thingy.
At first, this fear made itself felt in small dozes – mainly through flashbacks to happy times
That is a good example. A but would work just as well. But if that is correct punctuation, then please correct me.
I think that is all. Perhaps being a little more clear on what is happening would help, but in a first chapter, I don't expect everything to be explained perfectly.
Nice job and keep writing!