Published August 7, 2009
People hiding from sound
will listen to a bear roar
It's rival can be found
The writer takes more.
The questions get answered
by the leaves of a bush
and the looks of some eyes
It's the writer, his push,
that gives way to your rise.
And when no more art do we bring
most will say it was his pen that reached thousands of feet
to the writer, this means not a thing
he's chalking lyrics on the street.
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139,650 Literary Works • 672,643 Reviews
Thanks for the reviews.
While I do like the line about 1000's of feet, perhaps changing it to "most will know it was his pen that achieved the greatest of feats" and then making the last word plural would make the flow go better. I'm not sure, I enjoy it all the same.
My first reviewer: I would mention the meaning behind the first two stanzas, but I like it best when it's left to the reader.
Again, thanks.
I really like the first two stanzas - they are a little vague, but that's alright and it works. The flow of the last one seemed a little off to me, though, especially the line that ends in "thousands of feet". It feels like "feet" was used just to rhyme, and the line itself feels rushed. I love the image of chalking lyrics on the street, though, and if you could keep that without messing up the rhyme scheme it would be great.
Hey Calben, I really like this. :]
I mean, I don't fully understand what this means.. but it's worded beautifully. haha.
Feel free to PM me and tell me what it means? That would help. Haha.
:]
I'm also a new member, and my name is Julie, just letting you know. :p
Keep writing!(:
Hi Calben,
Welcome to YWS, why don't you come down to the welcome forum to introdce yourself
I'm ZaddieCaso by the way, but people call me Izzy.
Okay,
The first two stanza's are little vague to me, I'm not quite sure the meaning behind them.
I don't really understand them, It might be an idea to simplify your metaphors slightly
just to make the message a little clearer.
Now I did like your last stanza. The ending especially.
Sorry I couldn't be of much help,
Izzy