Ryan looked up at me, his brown eyes gleaming when he saw his last birthday present he had to open. It were those little things that reminded me of his father, my best friend, yet he doesn’t know this is his child.
“Mommy! Can I open it?” He asks, smiling his adorable toothy grin. Although he struggled to pull it over to him, he managed to push it to where he was sitting.
“You have to wait until Uncle Austin gets here! That’s his present for you.” I hated lying to Ryan. The fact that he thinks Austin is his Uncle, and nothing more, makes me feel like the worst person in the world.
Austin and I weren’t really related, but we’d known each other since we were about 15. We were always talking about what we wanted for when we grew up, and me having a child wasn’t until later in life. It was all an accident, at least the part where Austin and I made the most precious child in the world without knowing. I don’t regret or hate that I had Ryan, no, never. I regret that Austin and I made him when we were only 19 and I hadn’t told him at all that Aaron was his child.
“Ryan! Did you open it yet?” I hear Austin’s voice call, coming through the front door. The sound of his voice made me smile, and you could always tell that he had a smile planted on those lips of his even if you were a mile away. That’s just how positive he was, how amazingly happy he was about everything.
“Uncle Austin! Mommy said I had to wait until you got here.” Ryan said as Austin picked him off of the ground and ruffled his hair a bit. I loved that about Austin. He had the most amazing relationship with Ryan and it gave me even more strength to tell him about Ryan one day.
“Well open it now little bud!”
“Can I Mommy?”
“Go ahead, baby.” I giggle, seeing Ryan rip apart the wrapping paper that Austin had picked out and helped me with the previous day. “Of course you’d pick the Star Wars wrapping paper. You and him both. You missed the Star Wars collection I got him.” I whisper to Austin, laughing at how much they were alike not only in looks, but with their personality, too.
“Awh man! We’ll have to all watch it one day. Oh! And I have a gift for you and Ryan.”
“You didn’t have to. I don’t really need anything, and Ryan’s pretty happy with all of the little toys and games.”
“Mommy! Look! It’s a Star Wars lego ship!” He looked at the box it was held in, his eyes filled with amazement and happiness.
“Now what do you say to Uncle Austin?”
“Thank you, Uncle Austin! I love you!” He ran to give him a hug, Austin scooped him up in his arms and returned the hug. They both seemed so happy when the other was around. If only it were always like this. Like a family.
“Right so, I was just telling your mom about the present I got both of you. Are you ready to see it?” Austin smiles at Ryan’s giggling self, tickling him a bit.
“Yeah!”
Besides the question marks and this all being contained within one paragraph, this story was fairly interesting. Slow it down and add more detail so that we as readers may fall in love with your characters. If readers do not become attached to characters, they wont care if something happens to them. That connection will make, or break, a story. However, your idea is interesting and certainly worth pursuing. Keep me posted. Happy Writing!
thank you! yeah, the formatting is off because i'm new to this site and i'm not familiar with the way this site works and how the stories are written. sorry about that!
Okay I pushed through the question marks and odd formatting read your work. I like the general idea of the story. It's interesting and can either make a really sad or really sweet story. I recommend slowing your work down a little. At the pace that it's going at the moment it's a little hard to understand and is a little frustrating. But other than that stuff the story is interesting and I would like to keep reading. Just work on your formatting and get rid of the random question marks. Good Luck!
sorry about that! i'm new to this site and i haven't gotten the hang of it just yet, but i'm working on it! if you have any tips about how the writing works and how the site works that would mean a lot c: thank you for reading it though!
There aren't any paragraphs and why are there so many question marks? It's kind of hard to read at the moment, maybe you should sort it out a little bit.
There aren't any paragraphs and why are there so many question marks? It's kind of hard to read at the moment, maybe you should sort it out a little bit.
i know it is! i'm new to this site and i'm getting used to all of the stuff about it. sorry about that! it's just confusing for me at the moment c: