Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

It was bright, warm and overly crowded in the icerink's bleachers.

I was having trouble breathing with all the people surrounding me.

It didn't help that I had to fold myslef forward to avoid the knee of someone behind me.

The smallest group of skaters were, again, falling down while they tried to go in a circle.

On a different day, I might say that the skaters were adorable. But I was incredibly squished by the people around me, and I wasn't in a good mood right now.

I would just try to last a couple more minutes, and then head outdoors right before the intermission. Outdoors, I could breathe. In here, not so much.

The skaters posed at the end of their "performance" and before anyone could swarm around me, I got up and bolted for the lobby, where I then located the exit.

When I got outside, I took in a deep breathe of the fresh night air, and seeing the inky sky, I realized just how wierd the weather had been lately. It was March, and technically winter; but here, it was more like spring. The weather said spring, but the rise and fall of the sun and moon said winter. Mother nature was indecicive this year.

It was also lonely outside. The cool air made it's way into my jacket through the open zipper, which I left open, so I could cool off.

The bakery across the road had a Canada flag, and in the silence, I could here it flap in the breeze.

Leaves ruselled in the wind in the distance. It was quiet, but loud.

I ditched the icerink and took a walk around town, not bothering to zip up my jacket.

Hey, Caitlin! I've gotta make this one short, so... Let's start!

1) "It didn't help that I had to fold myslef forward" I'm sure it's a typo, but "myslef" should be "myself."

2) "I realized just how wierd the weather had been lately." The same deal here... e before i in "weird."

3) Your description is nice here, but I don't really see the point of this short story. Was it just a little section about the character's life? What goal did it accomplish? What were you trying to achieve with this? If there really isn't any purpose, consider adding one.

Sorry I couldn't help more, but I have to go. Keep writing, Caitlin!

XOX,
Lupa22

Hey! Shey! Review!

I liked this story a lot, so I'm gonna review it. Sacredlege beat me to the major stuff, so I guess I'll just point out some typos and grammatical errors.

It was bright, warm and overly crowded in the icerink's...

I realized just how wierd the weather...

It was quiet, but loud.

How very scenic. I'm not exactly a structuralist, so I don't demand that all my stories have a deeper meaning to them, but I did find this text somewhat futile. I wasn't sure why I was reading it when I began, and none of my questions were answered by the ending.

With that said, it's primary function (at least in my opinion) worked out well enough. I can see that it wanted to characterize a moment more than it wanted to tell a story--a description of a polished scene, relating more to stress and social anxiety, while also painting something beautifully alone in the distance. Maybe it's just because I recently logged into Tumblr (hey, don't judge me), but it might've given me more than a few flashbacks to Yuri on Ice.

I liked how you made the environment feel like a person of some sort. Mother Nature being indecisive is a common attribute, but something about how you described it made it feel a little more special. It was probably the capricious nature of the description, but that's probably me. And I could easily imagine being up in those bleachers, squashed and tired and more than a little ready to punch the next person to touch me in the face.

One thing that could've added more personality to the overall story might be a little character development. Why is the main character there? Where are they going? Why are they invested in skaters? Little things like that don't have to take up the whole thing, but it does give the story an easier flow, and even poetry needs a bit of character motivation to make it all feel organic and well.

Speaking of poetry, more poetic talk would be great here. Works like these are usually eye candy, so it's a shame that there are only a couple of imaginitive lines here and there. A bit more personifications (you could say the Canadian flag danced in the breeze, though admittedly thats a little cliche), maybe some alliterations, flowery metaphors packed with a lot of meaning, and voila, you have an enjoying story to read.

But that's just me. Hope this helped, and feel free to ask any question if you'd like.

Cheers,
Elliot.