z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Countdown

by CocoaCat


  I prefered not to think about my Meeting. Every time someone mentioned it I glanced at my wrist and then distracted myself so I didn't have to think about it. It had been a while since I looked at the numbers, and I tried to avoid the topic and the anxiety that came along with it. I don't know why I was so worried about it. Though, anything could happen. My soulmate might deny the whole thing, or maybe we would be in a crowded area and completely miss each other.

  I suspected that my meeting was coming up soon, and it wouldn't hurt to just take a quick peek at my countdown. I had been staring at the ceiling in my room for a while just imagining what would happen, so I brought myself back to reality, stood up and rolled up my sleeve. There should still be a week or so left, I guessed, remembering the last time I looked. But when I twisted my wrist to see, I realized that I couldn't ignore it anymore.

0000d 02h 35m 53s

  Less than three hours were left and I looked like a mess. Even though I had my doubts, I should at least look decent for my Meeting. I walked into my bathroom and examined my appearance and what had to be done. It didn't take anymore than two seconds to realize that I needed Hazel's help. I picked up my phone to call her and she answered immediately.

  "Hey Kat, what's wrong?" I could tell by the noise on the other side of call that she was taking a walk, I could also hear her sipping from a drink. Most likely something from Starbucks.

  "I checked my countdown." gosh, that sounded like a stupid way to ask for her help.

  "And, what? You told me that there would still about two weeks left." another sip.

  "That's what I thought too. I'm sending you something right now." I hung up and snapped a picture of my wrist. I had wasted five minutes and I didn't look any better. With a couple clicks, I sent it to her. Not two minutes later and Hazel sprinted through the house and flew up the stairs to my bedroom. I was just about to jump into the shower but I first handed her all my makeup that I owned, which was a fair amount, what with all her gifts in hopes that I would use it. "Pick out makeup, here's a picture of me for reference, and I need something to wear, and please make it casual and comfortable. I'm going to the library once I'm done here." I took a shower, shaved, payed extra attention to my hair, and applied a facial I had bought a couple days ago. With my hair drying in a towel and my pajamas on, I walked over to Hazel, who had my picture in hand and was armed with an array of makeup supplies.

  "Okay, I made some rough decisions on makeup. And I think a top knot should work, unless you want a fishtail braid, because your hair is long enough to pull it off. For clothing, I picked a pair of jean shorts and a cute tank top that drops down in the back. So choose a cute exercise bra, preferably in a bright yellow, not neon, because the tank top is white with a pineapple on the front. I think it would be cute if the bra accents the top. Any questions, suggestions?" Hazel talks a mile a minute when she's really excited, like when she's talking about beauty.

  "Ya, um, how did you get over here so quickly? But before you answer that, let me just say that I would like the braid, and the clothing sounds really nice." I really did like her choices. I had entirely ditched that top last summer, but I realize now that I just needed the right bra.

0000d 01h 58m 28s

  "First off; thanks Kat, and next, I was in the neighbourhood on my walk, and when I saw your text I dropped my coffee on the sidewalk and sprinted over here." I sat down, cross-legged, on my bed while Hazel began to work her magic on my hair. "You know, you have really nice hair. Not too thick or thin, and it's the perfect shade of orange. Or red, I guess some would say. I wish mine wasn't this dull brown." I don't care what Hazel says, her hair is beautiful.

-----

  "Are you done yet?" the impatience dripped from her voice. I had went into the bathroom with my outfit in hand, hair all done. And though I was done changing, I still didn't come out, I was too consumed in making sure I looked good from every angle and every reading position.

0000d 01h 40m 36s

  Deep breaths...deep breaths... I finally opened the door to find Hazel laying on my bed texting someone. I layed down next to her to see who she was texting. We almost always let each other see who we're texting. It was Sean, her match.

  They had met last year on Christmas Morning. She was walking her dog Cocoa and slipped on ice. Someone ran up to her, and when she looked up, deep blue eyes met hers and her timer beeped at the same time as Sean's and they dropped onto the ice. Hazel and Sean decided later that Hazel could take the timers, and she made them into bracelets, she took Sean's and Sean took Hazel's. They were the cutest.

  She turned off her phone and we stood up. She looked me over and then motioned for me to sit back down so she could begin my makeup. "How much longer till...your meeting?"

  "1 hour 37 minutes." I closed my eyes while Hazel did eye makeup, just mascara, I didn't want to go overboard. I normally just did mascara and clear lipgloss, and that's just what we did.

  "Alright. And...finished. Your soulmate is going to love you." I feel overwhelmed and anxious again.

  "I feel like I shouldn't have payed so much attention to my appearance. Don't you think I should have done something a little less?" I looked in the mirror and spotted wedges laying out by my bed. I looked at Hazel in the mirror, "Really? I can't walk in high heels."

  "Oh Kat, poor innocent Kat. Highheels are quite hard to walk in, but wedges are different. It's much easier to walk in wedges." She always knew how to sell me on any fashion idea. "And if you feel like we're going overboard, just think. I have the grace of a cat, do you really think I just suddenly slipped? I slipped because I was wearing boots with heels." Her face was red like her nails.

  "I didn't think you would wear something like that while you were walking your dog." you learn something new everyday.

  "Ya, I know. Hey didn't you say yesterday, that your mom made cupcakes?" that was all it took for us to leave the room, some of my mom's cupcakes. They were the best.

  Once we were downstairs, I decided it was time to show my mom my timer. When she saw it, she sat me down and started addressing all my concerns.

  "It's entirely normal," she assured me and nodded, "every girl goes a little overboard when she's gonna meet her match. Besides, you look like you normally do. If you put on 5 pounds of makeup and a wedding dress, then you have reason to think you're going overboard. But you look like you're just going to the library to get some books. You look fine."

-----

0000d 00h 57m 38s

  I stood right outside the library and eyed a cute boy walking towards me across the parking lot. The timer counted down the minutes until we met, not when we saw each other. He could very well be my soulmate, and I would have to stay in the library with him 'till our timers fell off and we would realize that we should introduce ourselves. Oh no, is he...is he walking towards-he just waved at me!

  "Hey" He was ever cuter up close.

  "H-hi." Gosh I was an idiot.

  He eyed my wrist and must have seen the time left, "Nervous?"

  I nodded. "Only 56 minutes, make that 55. And you?" I looked at his wrist, but he covered it up so I couln't see it.

  "That's a secret." Okay, this guy was cute and sarcastic. "Are you going in, or are you just going to stay out here? Because I'm going in, so."

  "So," d-did he just hold the door open for-oh, he's just being nice. But maybe he is my soulmate and he knows it. "What books do you like reading? Fiction, romance?"

  "A little bit of everything, actually. And you?" Hopefully he liked reading as much as I did.

  "I enjoy fiction and almost everything else." We made our way to the desk and I dropped off a book I finished reading, it was romance. He stepped back in mocked disgust, "Except romance, those things are horrible."

  "Have you ever even read any romance novels, um...what's your name?" Well, we haven't introduced ourselves and we act like we know each other.

  "Oh, I'm Russell. And you?"

  "That's my secret."

  "If I can have a secret, you can have a secret, it's only fair I guess."

  "I'm going to use one of the computers, I'll grab you an access code if you like."

  "Thanks, she-who-must-not-be-named." His smile was too cute.

  I went over to the desk by the front and grabbed two computer access codes and found Russell in the back of the library reserving two computers for us.

  For the next 50 minutes or so, we had a contest to see who could find the funniest meme, the loser would buy drinks from Starbucks.

  I turned my moniter to show a meme to Russell and while we were laughing, we heard two corrosponding beeps and two small thuds as our timers stopped and fell to the floor. We were suddenly silent, as we looked down to the ground. Russell looked back up at me and gave a weak smile.

  "I'm Kat." 


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76 Reviews


Points: 908
Reviews: 76

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Mon Feb 27, 2017 3:48 am
Dest wrote a review...



I absolutely adore the countdown concept because it creates anticipation/interest like no one’s business. I thought it was a countdown to death or the end of the world, but it seems like it’s a countdown to a date, which is just as good.

They had met last year on Christmas Morning. She was walking her dog Cocoa and slipped on ice. Someone ran up to her, and when she looked up, deep blue eyes met hers and her timer beeped at the same time as Sean's and they dropped onto the ice. Hazel and Sean decided later that Hazel could take the timers, and she made them into bracelets, she took Sean's and Sean took Hazel's. They were the cutest.


Aww, that is cute! Also, “morning” does not need to be capitalized.

I think you should just use “paid” and not “payed.”

I have the grace of a cat, do you really think I just suddenly slipped?


I like this line and Hazel a lot! She’s so fun and seems to be a good friend. Normally, I would find all the makeup and clothes talk super boring but you managed to infuse some of Hazel’s personality within it, so it was okay.

"I didn't think you would wear something like that while you were walking your dog." you learn something new everyday.

"Ya, I know. Hey didn't you say yesterday, that your mom made cupcakes?" that was all it took for us to leave the room, some of my mom's cupcakes. They were the best.


You need to capitalize “you” and “that.” Everyday needs to be “every day.” You wouldn’t use everyday unless you are describing something like "my everyday shoes."

"That's a secret." Okay, this guy was cute and sarcastic.


I don’t see how that’s sarcastic.

This was fun to read. A countdown to find your soulmate? I could honestly read more, but I think you ended it short and sweet. The ending is just adorable when Kat finally reveals her name. I like how one of the locations was a library too because I like libraries. There are a few typos and a lot of sentences need to be capitalized, but I liked this very much.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this!




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Mon Feb 27, 2017 3:26 am
Snazzy wrote a review...



Hello, and a belated welcome to YWS! :3

Oooh, I've heard of this prompt before! I think there was a Writers Tournament with a prompt similar to this one, and although I'm not a fan of romance, I really liked writing it! I liked reading yours as well! :3 Anyway, on with the review!

I would look back through this to check for spelling and grammar issues, as there are few scattered throughout this piece (and I don't want to waste your time by pointing out things that could possibly just be minor typos or errors). I know what it feels like to have an idea you just want to hurry up and write down because you're so excited about it. :)

The first minor thing I noticed was the the proper noun form of "meeting" compared to the common noun form of "meeting" in your story. I do think you were correct in capitalizing this, since it refers to a specific meeting to the girl, but I would just make sure to make it consistent, either way you do it. (So either use "meeting" throughout, or "Meeting" throughout, just to be uniform.)

I was just about to jump into the shower but I first handed her all my makeup that I owned, which was a fair ammount, what with all her gifts in hopes that I would use it.


Other than "amount" being misspelled, I think this sentence can be more concise (in other words, you can say the same thing in a less confusing way without using as many words). Looking for extra information (such as "about to jump in the shower") always seems to help me when trying to write concisely. (Example: I threw her all the makeup I owned before jumping in the shower.) Also, I was a little confused at the end of this - "what with all her gifts in hopes that I would use it". I'm not sure what you're trying to say here, and I think a part of that has to do with writing clearly and concisely. This can pertain to other sentences as well. (There are a few, one following the sentence I just referenced, that are kind of jumbled up and muddled that I believe should be revised for clarity's sake.)

Deep breathes...deep breathes...


The only reason I'm pointing out this spelling error is because it is one I made all the time before I realized I was using the wrong form of the verb "breathe"! The word you used here is the present tense, like in "He breathes in the warm aroma." The word you're looking for, is "breaths" - the noun form of the verb (if that makes sense). (She let out long deep breaths before speaking.) Normally, I find the word "breaths" to be very awkward unless used in the way you did, so kudos to you for the 'word usage'!

I finally opened the door to find Hazel laying on my bed texting someone. I layed down next to her to see who she was texting. We almost always let each other see who we're texting.


Here's another (slightly different) example of where your writing is not as concise as it could and needs to be. You repeated the word "texting" 3 times within 3 sentences right next to each other. This makes the reading slightly confusing to the audience. An easy way to fix unnecessary repetition like that is by replacing one of the words with a synonym (example: messaged), or you can combine the sentences somehow and take out some of the repeating words.

that was all it took for us to leave the room, some of my mom's cupcakes.


This, I believe, is just a punctuation error. However, I think the latter end of the sentence ("some of my mom's cupcakes.") is unneeded (seeing as how you already mentioned her mom's cupcakes in the previous sentence). I would just edit that part out.

I like Russel's character, and you really formed him well in the little dialogue and description you had of him in the story! Great job with that!

The one thing that is really bothering me is that she was waiting for her soulmate at a specific place... Normally, I would think, that no matter where she was, her soulmate would find her without meaning to. It doesn't seem right that she would wait for him at a specific place... I don't know - just something that seemed slightly off while I was reading the end of this.

Russell looked back up at me and gave a weak smile.


The modifier "weak" doesn't seem appropriate to Russell's character before this. I think "lopsided" (or a synonym for it) would work better with his sarcastic and goofy personality.

Ooh! You ended this really well! That last sentence kind of warmed my insides. :3 Overall, a pretty good job of writing this - there were some really excellent highlights in your story, I just think it needs a tad bit of editing. Keep writing! :3

~Snazzy




CocoaCat says...


sorry about the mistakes, I was rushed and my tablet doesn't have the best keyboard, but thank u for reading!




It's funny how humans can wrap their mind around things and fit them into their version of reality.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief