The Masks We Wear

Hi there Caitlin. Lavvi in to review.

You have a poem with potential here. You really do, but it's just about trying execute it well enough. I suggest that you expand your vocabulary to more precise, detailing words. It'll read off a whole lot better to the audience than originally.

Also, you need to punctuate your poems. Punctuation is also important in poetry as well so I strongly suggest you take my advice for it. You only really need to insert commas and a few periods.

Yours,
Lavvi

Hey. First off, welcome to YWS! If your titles isn't lying, which says your a new member, then welcome.

Now onto critiquing. One of the only things that really got to me was that it was all one long stanza. I'd suggest breaking them up into a few different stanzas. The only other thing was where you could add a period or a comma, you didn't. That's about it. Other than that, well done.

Eyes of daggers hiding the truth seems to me that 'eyes of daggers' are pretty blunt and honest
Tongues of forked, charismatically smooth edges ooo nice, smooth imagery
That drips the sweet poison of deception add a period
A mask to hide behind a face of lies The concept of a 'mask' is cliche
Hiding what they truly mean to say and reveal add a comme
With cunning edges that bite the truth and shred it you already used 'edges'
Until its meaning is unrecogniseable unrecognizable add a period here
The masks we see on others' faces
We do condemn them and judge
Never do we realising realize the masks we wear ourselves add a period here.
To hide our thoughts and feelingsthis is redundant
Those dark and hidden ambitions that never arise
we Kept hidden behind our eyes add a period here

Great job on imagery, you really have a way with words (whoah, that wasn't supposed to sound like a pick-line!) that makes the reader's experience quite pleasant. Kudos.
Great job and keep writing
-KatTrain

"We all wear masks- metaphorically speakiiiiing"
(If you haven't seen The Mask, ignore this comment.)

Lovely writing, lovely imagery; overall, basically just a lovely poem. Lots of harsh truth in there, as well.
If there is one thing I would say it's to put some paragraphs in there! If you separate it into two maybe, it wouldn't seem as squashed. But that's just presentation. No complaints on the writing here!

Hello. You're new here, aren't you?:) Well, first of all, welcome.

I'm sure one of the mods will acquaint you with the house rules soon anyway so I won't waste your time. If you do have questions though, feel free to ask me. I guess the basic thing is just remember to review other people's work.

Okay, now on to your poem. I think that this is one of the best first posts of a new member I've ever read. I think you've got a good grasp of language and you do understand that poetry is about showing and not telling. Your imagery is very good and vivid. The atmosphere of this poem remains consistent throughout the whole piece, showing that you have control over your words and that you utilize them well in order to work for your art.

I think the improvements needed are more in the format of this poem. The capitalization at the beginning of every line destroys the flow of this poem. Despite this being a free verse poem, I think you should still be aware that the lines flow into one another well. As it is, it's a rather awkward read.

Punctuation will also help this poem a lot. I think that the great thing about poetry is that you're not bound by grammar. Not really. I mean, e.e. cummings broke all the rules in his poetry. I'm not telling you to add punctuation to this poem because I want it to be grammatically correct. It's just that punctuation is often utilized in poetry in order to drive the meaning of the poem to the reader more solidly. It'll also help this poem flow better. I suppose at the beginning, it'll be easier to punctuate according to the rules of grammar but, punctuation is a tool as well. Once you've mastered using it, you don't have to stick to the rules and just use it as you will.

That's all. I really liked this poem and I'd love to read more from you. Good luck and welcome again!:D

--Nixie