Who Knows

Hi, Star!

I think this is a good start to a potentially awesome song. I really like how it started. Those first two lines really sends the reader (or listener) into thought, so it's an awesome set-up to the rest of the song!

I felt like there wasn't much to the song itself. It was good, and it had an interesting message, but there wasn't much substance to the song to help back up the message. Maybe a few metaphors or hints to the story. Try to make it easier to relate to for the reader, I think. Right now, I don't really know where the speaker is coming from, so I can't tell if I can relate to them or if it's completely different.

The speaker is definitely in deep thought though, and I can tell from the questions the song continues to ask. I think it would be interesting to help the reader develop the answers. That can happen with a bit more background or giving them a better understanding as to what's happening.

The last stanza is so cool. It's optimistic, and I think the song could lead into that much better with some more depth in the song. I hope I'm making some sense. xD I would like to know what made the situation awful and where the speaker got their confidence. So a little more story!

But fortunately, that's the only real comment I can make. Put more to it! What you have is a good skeleton, so just adding some meat will make it turn out better. It might even help make it flow better! (Some of the lines broke awkwardly, though it could just be me reading and not actually hearing it with the music.)

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!