Who am I?
This is a question everyone has to answer multiple times a week maybe even a day.
A question on the surface that seems to be part of a regimen,
Who are you?
A simple enough question on the surface
But every time I am asked this question part of me doesn’t have a clue how to answer it
Not for lack of understanding
More or less for lack of knowledge
I do not know who I am
I am a mixed kid you have never heard of,
From a small town you will never visit,
Whose face will soon blend in with the blur of faces of people you have met but never known,
You do not know who I am
I suppose I cannot blame you,
Because I do not know who I am either
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This poem has a soft way of talking about the hard world- almost a childlike veiw. That is my favorite thing about it. It makes me smile fondly but also want to smother the author in worried hugs. Most poems do not make me feel that way so it is refreshing.
Nitpicks- the lines make you pause in places- this may be intentional. If it is it works. If you wanted something smoother but didn't know where to shorten the lines then look at this and maybe you'll have an idea of how to do that next time. Or how to change it currently(also for wording since your wording seems similar throughout the peice here are some ideas :
"Who am I?
This is a question everyone has to answer
All their life exponentially.
A question on the surface that just might be
Part of a regiment, Who are you?
A simple enough question on the surface
But everytime I feel this query
Part of me can't contemplate a solution
Not for lack of understanding- more or less for lack of knowledge
I cannot fathom who I am, a mixed kid you have never heard of,
From a small town you will never visit,
Whose face will soon blend in with the
Blur of faces of people you have met but never known,
You do not know who I am and I suppose I cannot blame you,
Because I don't know either"
Like I said though- this is just suggestions your way works. I also noticed you put 'regimen' instead of regiment. Enough with the nitpicks though. I loved your poem and how it conveys being lost in such a childlike tone. Its refreshing and pure.
Keep writing.
Much love Gem. <333
This is not so much a poem, put a mere premise. Not an essay as much as a thesis statement. Oh, you state that you simply don't know who you are, and you even correctly assert that the question of who one is is a complex and multifaced one, an exploration rather than a mere declarative statement summing up an entire identity. The trouble is, you wrestle with none of the complex and interesting identity questions at all.
You simply state you are a mixed kid from a nothing town-nothing that defines who you are in any meaningful way-and, consequently, are unknowable. Or is the point simply that? That you, to you, are a nobody from nowhere writing lines and bearing your soul to many who don't even know you from Jesus' brother Bob-and wouldn't, not even if you were standing in front of them? Could NEVER, and how could they, when you are still growing, and don't fully know the contents of your own soul, let alone who you will turn out to be? That is a powerful thought, one we all face here, and I can can tell you have the power to convey it through your skillful manipulation of words, and in such a way whatever you're trying to say could be given more emotional resonance and clarity with some additional lines providing more context-how, exactly, do you FEEL? Tell us in such a way that we, the readers, could feel it, too, so that in our small way, we'll better know you?
Also, since poetry is the perfect tool for self exploration, why not use it to try and answer, to the degree that you can, the timeless question, "Who Am i?" In so doing, you may find you know more about yourself than you ever thought you did. And any answers you come up with would be fascinating.
Hi there CC279! First off, welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy the site, and if you have any questions about it as you're getting settled in, I'd be glad to answer them for you ^^
You kind of allude to this throughout the poem with the questions you ask, but you never outright say it, so ending with "I do not know who I am" brings the poem to a very effective conclusion! (Minor note, while we're here - I'd suggest ending the poem with a period after "either", to convey a sense of finality and so that the reader knows for sure that the poem is all done. For more tips on punctuation in poetry I'd definitely suggest you check out this ultra-helpful article! It goes into more detail about how punctuation can affect the flow, appearance, and even tone of a poem.)The message of this poem is definitely super relatable - everyone I know has questioned who they are and their identity as a person at some point or another. I like how you encapsulate that thought in the final three lines:
I like that your poem also touches on not only a person's identity, but also their place in the world. Especially in this line, I can feel that uncertainty coming through:
You make some really great use of repetition, too! Repetition can help create impact and urgency in a poem by repeating words, phrases, or sentence structure - I like your repetition of "never" when referring to being "a mixed kid from a small town". The word "never" has a negative, self-doubting tone which works quite well in this poem!
There is one instance of repetition that I think is less effective: Here, you repeat the phrase "question on the surface". However, because it's not adding new information or descriptions, and sentence structure isn't parallel (-> the first time it's in the first half of the sentence, while the second time it's in the second half), it actually isn't super impactful at adding more meaning or oomph to the message. So I'd suggest cutting it out; something like: Would retain the same meaning while eliminating the repetition!
One last thing I want to look at is your use of linebreaks c: I really enjoyed how you put questions like "Who am I?" and "Who are you?" on their own lines, as that helps them stand out and emphasize their importance. Similarly, I liked how you chose to use linebreaks in this section:
There are a couple parts, though, where I think the linebreaks could be rearranged to be even stronger! For instance, here - This line starts to drag on a bit, and I think splitting it up would improve the flow. (I also think a comma after "week" would be lovely!) There are many ways you could spit it up;
This is a question everyone has to answer
multiple times a week
maybe even a day.
-or-
This is a question everyone
has to answer,
multiple times a week, maybe even a day.
and so forth! It's really up to you.
^I also think this line would benefit from being split up, probably after "question".
^And lastly, I feel that this one could be split as well! I'd suggest after "faces", but again, entirely up to you as the poet :)
All in all, this was a very easy and relatable read! I enjoyed the tone you used throughout, and the message is definitely something a lot of people can understand. I hope this review proves helpful, and again, if you have any questions about this review, or the site, feel free to ask! <3
Keep writing c:
whatcha
This is the first time I have written in a long time! Any feed back is welcome!