E - Everyone

Silence Is Good

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"Silence is good.."

.. With these words he finished his speech , crushing his burning cigarette on the ground without making any moves from his place , or leaving any possibility to a respond ..

There , she was sitting .. Shocked , contemplating this strange creature and wondering from where did this cold camed from .. cold in his looks , in his words , in his disagreement with that young man who she had known once ..

** How silence could ever be good ? she said ..

~ We invest so much words to speak our minds without being totally understood .. without profit , we only bother ourselves .. while silence expresses itself and tells us more .. He spoke

** Silence does not give answers ..

~ But it gives solutions ..

** How is that possible !!

~ Silence can be the expression of joy and sadness, excitement and fear .. can show the approval in the sweetest way.. can blow rejection in its worst form .. we just need to listen .. it is clear.. And it is honest ..

Not understanding exactly what he says, it was difficult to recognize the utter sense from his speech , so she decided to remain silent and to participate in his game of silence scaning him closely , trying to find any string of light to unveil the mystery behind his words .

Remembering his old days in her mind, she could not but to notice the white hairs declaring war on his head , right and left .. and those lips turning black , cigarettes doing mostly ..

All this was something .. and the vacuum that his eyes scream with was something else entirely .. and that was far more bizzare to be neglect ..

She broked her silence after noticing his disturbance by the length of her looks ..

** Tell me what happend !? She spoke ..

~ Life happend ..

** to all of us , certainly ..

~ Differently , appearaintly it seems .. He said interrupting her talk looking at her beautiful face and her black angelic hair .. With chunky red lips .. A women from the world of dreams she become .. Like a flower she bloomed ..

** aren't you going to answer any question or tell me what's on your mind now .. she spoked breaking the silence of his looks .

~ I would like to do if that could make a difference ..

** It will , for me ..

~ But not to me .. He responded after adding inspiration and exhalation that envelops features of Wrath .. "that would not make a difference for us."

She stood silent for a moment and replied with angrier words ..

** We both lost something dearly that time ..

~ The lost is certain .. it is the degree of it who's debatable .. He said turning his looks toward the opposite shore of the place they were sitting at ..

~ That time .. You lost a lover .. I lost everything ..he added

** I have loved you as much as you did .. and you where everything to me too .. Don't even dare question that ..

~ Only in your imagination ....

"Only in your imagination " he repeated giving her the coldest features he could drawn on his face.

a sharp silence followed .. Then the whole restaurant woke up to the sound of the slap that she has given his left cheek .. While he did not show the smallest reaction .. and returned contemplating the horizon .. She rose up from her place, her bag in her hand and in the moment where she was going away he pronounced with a quiet voice ..

~ Do you remember .. and continued gazing toward the water across of him ..

~ The day i revealed my feeling to you .. that moment when I told you " I love you .. " .. It looks so much like today .. The same refreshing breeze of the sea and the air interspersed with moisture, giving my voice that mysterious influence .. The same sun struggling to keep back part above the horizon for another look .. You are, as you were , rushing me to tell you my feelings .. The only difference is when I did , i was rewarded with a kiss instead of a Slap ..

Tears slowly occupied her cristal's eyes and a feeling of opression she strongly felt in her chest hearing his words ..

"Do you ... Remember ... !!!" he repeated again looking at her beautiful face gitting beat up with his words..

He tempered his looks after seeing his words tears her up from the inside ..

~ you have grown nicer than I have imagined ..

** And you have becomed lower than I have ever imagined ..

"Lower ...! Hahahaha .. " he said laughing.. ..

~ you should have seen me before this .. or I think it's better that you did not ..

And with a serieus tone he said.. "What you see in front of you is the best i could become with what I had .."

Slowly everybody returned to their business while she was still standing in her place, her eyes on the door and her mind is still sitting in their table ..

She put back her bag and sat in her chair after adjusting it slightly ..

He turned towards her and with wickedness he said ..

~ It is a surprise that I see that you have not left yet ..

~ it must be a strange experience to try something else for a change .. right ..

** yes it is indeed .. she replied ..

** I do believe that this is the only way to fully be aware of the value of our previous choices .. apparently .. She spoked with a confident tone feeling her words live up to the harshness of his talk ..

A moment of silent debate followed her words .. He entirely centered his looks on her eyes.. like statues they become , impassive in their place, two witnesses to the great history lived on the events accounted for both of them .. He smiled slightly and lited another cigarette without breaking his eyes contact ..and then he toke a deep breath and blow the smoke away from her face ..

~ you have changed .. He talked

** The change is certain .. It is the outcome of it who's questionable.. she replied ..and added ..

** You also did change .. You have become a person i do not recognize .. for as long as I thought , you would become an important person, successful in his life beating in his work .. you were a compassionate person , with a shiny personality and a big heart, a person who loves people and do good service for as long as he could .. You were a pillar to your friends .. But now, look at yourself .. You are no longer the person you used to be ..you lost youself and everyone around you ..

She Stopped talking for a moment when she realized that nothing anymore move a string of feelings in him.. Tears camed back disturbing her eyes, but she wanted to try more in a time he pointed to the waiter fo the account in a clear intention of leaving .. He stood tall and and bowed his head as for a goodbay when suddenly her eyes exploded with tears and stood shooting at him walking away from her ..

** It is sure that you have changed, but I did not think that you have become a coward .. Walking away without answering any question .. without pronouncing the farewell .. You would just leave, even if this is the act that you have always plamed me for .. now you will just leave without explanation even if this means that you will become the thing you hate the most ..

He stoped in his place and spoked without turning around completely ..

~ Very good than !! .. who knows .. !? Maybe leaving will suit me good as it did with you .. And for the response to your questions .. .. I have told you earlier, I would have replied if that would do any good .. But it wont .. thats why here and now , silence is right .. Believe me in this. . Suffice one of us suffers ..

Her eyes widened seeing those tears overflowed eyes of his after leaving her in a pool of tears and a sea of unanswered questions .. 

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
reikann
Review
reikann wrote a review · Thu Aug 18, 2016 9:27 am

Hello! Is English not your first language? I could not tell from your profile.
The first thing that jumps out is the punctuation here. I suspect this is because the stylistic rules of English are different/unusual, but I might be wrong.
So my first piece of advice is certainly to look into the rules of English style.
All spelling here is correct, though some common words are confused. 'gitting' is used in place of 'getting' at one point, for example.
There's a lot of word order issues, too.
Overall, the strange grammar detracts from the content.
I bring this up not to insult your grasp of grammar and punctuation, but rather to encourage you to peruse improving your understanding of it, because this is not bad writing at all!
It feels like there's a deeper psychological story to be told behind whatever's going on with the man, and his perceived coldheartedness creates sympathy for the woman.

Ah, here's a source for you!
https://www.grammarly.com/handbook

Good luck!

Hello there and thanks fot tge support .. As i said , english is not my first or even second language ,so im still learning ..
Thanks for the links , the site is amazing ,, been looking for one for a long time ..

User avatar
JuliasSneezer
Review

Good day, Cups here to serve a delicious interview!

First of all, I kind of like the way that you described silence. And, I quote:

~ We invest so much words to speak our minds without being totally understood .. without profit , we only bother ourselves .. while silence expresses itself and tells us more .. He spoke


It kind of sends this chill down my spine, you know?
However, we have to aknowledge a couple of typos. First of all, instead of putting the tilde there, how about you use the quote marks? I know there may be a bit of confusion there, but that's where the beauty of detail comes in. Like this:

'"We invest so much words to speak our minds without being totally understood. Without profit, we only bother ourselves, while silence expresses itself and tells us more." He spoke.'

You could also add a couple other actions there to clarify who said the words. Like, [italic] She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear./italic] Or [italic]He let out a puff of air. [/italic] There are so many fun ways to do this!

You'll also notice how I replaced the two periods with just one. Traditionally, you use three periods for this, and even then they're used sparingly. Think of them as wasabi. You only need a bit of it to spice up what you're working on, but too many and it's hard to digest. (Hee hee.) You also have to make sure to put the comma on the end of the word, instead of putting it after a space after the word. Also, for regular exclamations, you only use one exclamation mark instead of two. Whenever someone is shouting a question, it's better to have a question mark then an exclamation.

You just have to work on your sentences a bit, as they read just a bit awkward.

Overall, with just a bit of improvement, this should be excellent! It's jut a slight bit rusty. Let me know when you update so I can help you a bit more, if you please! :D

Just keep swimming,
-Cups

Thanksan fir the review and for the amazing tips .. While im advance in short story in my mother language .. The english side is bit different and quiet challenging .. And this reviews help a lot .. Im working on making the story better .. Stay close

User avatar
Malamaya
Review

Hello! I enjoyed the story, the idea of it is incredible and it speaks. There are a few things you need to work on though, the spacing caused a problem for me since it distracted me from what they were saying. You tend to use '..' too much, combined with the spacing it made reading the story a bit uncomfortable. Then when it came to the dialogue I actually didn't understand who was speaking or if they were speaking at all, with the asterisk(*) and all. The grammar is albeit wrong, not using the correct punctuation when needed, capitalizing a word that doesn't need it, using the wrong word, using two exclamation marks etc. I didn't sympathize with the characters well, I didn't connect well with your characters and I couldn't feel what they are feeling. However, despite these I understood what you were trying to say in this story. I'm sure that once you fixed it up you'll get better.

Have a nice day, keep writing and have fun!

Thank you for the amazing review .. It sure helps a lot .. Im not actually a native english spoker .. So it super hard for me with the grammar and stuff .. The story did make super sense to me .. It just the execution wasn't good enough .. Maybe i should rewrite it taking this suggestions in mind .. Meanwhile .. Great thanks to you ..



You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...
— Dr. Seuss