Alex
A fly, crazy, fresh, princess, ditzy, beautiful, gangster, punk, barbie, diva, fun, irritating, badass, indescribable young lady who always looks her best.
Not many can handle her.
Someone who is talked about daily, but doesn’t give a shit.
Someone who knows what she deserves and won’t settle for anything less.
She just floats with ease and never struggles with anything she does.
She must always meet up to the expectations and live up to her rightful name of the awesome-est person everyone knows.
‘Damn, did you see Alex today?’, ‘Yeah bruh, and she’s looking fine as always!’
*****
Alex just couldn’t lie down. She had been awake for an hour now, waiting for it to turn six, when she could finally get ready for school. She loved school, couldn’t wait to go. She would finally meet her best friends, Dan and Maira, the most amazing people she knew.
She jumped out of her bed, and as most girls normally do, stood in front of her wardrobe for the next 10 minutes. She couldn’t walk into school looking like a....well, she had a reputation to maintain.
A long shower, a quick breakfast, and a short drive in her multi-millionaire father’s sparkly big car, and here she was, in the place she loved most. As she walked through the long corridors of Beechwood High School, she remembered the endless fun she had had there with Dan and Maira, the stupid cat-fights.....the number of guys who had asked her out.....everything.
She was real early, and so the first person she met was Marcus, the smartest guy she knew, and also the quietest.
‘Hi, Alex, you’re early,’ he greeted.
‘Hey Mark...yeah, I couldn’t wait to be back. And I need to sort out my locker. What’s up with you?’
‘Nothing much, just reading about therm-.....Never mind. Is Maira gonna come?’
Alex smiled. ‘Mark, if you like her that much, just ask her out. Or at least tell her.’
‘I don’t want to embarrass her. She’s this really amazing person with these really cool friends, and....then there’s me...’
His voice trailed off, and Alex couldn’t think of anything to say to him. She respected the guy a lot, for his brains and everything, but now she looked up to him even more, being so sweet and nice.
‘Hey, Alex!’, ‘Al!’, ‘Oooh....Alex, you look lovely!’ the chorus filled the lockers.
‘Hey guys!! I missed you so so so much...’ and the gang’s talk continued, but Alex searched only for her best friend.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey,
Okay, so I keep wondering where you are going with this. Is it going to be about your typical perfect popular girl who can do no wrong or what? Because it is not really telling me and it is not really giving me any idea where this story is headed. I feel that it needs to be a lot more descriptive. And I also feel that the chapter is to short. Next time please try and make it a bit longer.
Other than that I liked it. With a bit description I think this could make a great story. Just remember to be original, because a well-honed original idea is the best. So great job keep up the good work.
From Nikki399
I like this, its interesting, and has potential. But I think you need to reveal a small bigger picture in the first chapter, to keep people wanting to read, it keeps then intrigued. I like the bit you started of with, it was quirky and I have never seen a book or short story started like that. I like how you write her meeting with Marcus and Alex, it flows and it feels in place and it works well.
though it is a good start there is a few things that I am going to recommend. Firstly the end was confusing to, like did everyone just arrived, or was she thinking of what was to come. secondly, when you write before people speak you put the (') but I think it would be better if you put (") it makes it easier to read. See.
'Nothing much, just reading about therm-.....Never mind. Is Maira gonna come?’
or
"Nothing much, just reading about therm-.....Never mind. Is Maira gonna come?"
Anyway, your grammar is good and as I said before the story has potential, but you need to work on giving more information, like what she looks like or her school maybe, and also. The bigger picture, which personally think is very important. Thumbs up!!
Jack