Published December 18, 2008
sorry no longer posted.
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Hello ButterFlyInk! I'm kissthewitch, here to review your piece!
First of all, is this a poem? It's written like prose, whereas poetry usually has more line breaks. Try breaking it up, hitting the enter key when you want readers to pause or when you really want to emphasize something. That way it can be even more effective.
Other than that, I have a couple of nitpicks:
There. There were a couple of grammar things that need to be fixed, and then I took out some words, which will make it flow better-but of course it's all up to you
PM me if you need any help! xoxokissthewitch
Thank you
Nice ! when reading this , i did feel a bit of confusion .. but i also felt inspired.
a good freehand ,
ps. the quote was a good idea , it brought it all together.