Published December 20, 2008
sorry no longer posted.
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139,517 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
I think that this is really interesting, and emotional; how the narrator is supremely pissed off and now hates the person she loved so much. It was powerfully written. But I think it would be better to just submit it again as a short piece of writing, because it really is too long to be a poem. Anything longer than what you can easily say in one breath is tooooo long.
And also, despite it being the theme, it is just hate hate hate all the way through. We're endlessly being told that she hates this guy, and by the time I was halfway through I was like, okay! I get it! Don't hurt me! But I suppose that gave me an insight into how heartbreak has made her bitter.
I liked it. It was deep, man.
xxxxx
hey there!
First of all, this is good a bit generic but good.
But your form is all wrong! You can't use this kind of structure in poetry. poetry is supposed to have lines, stanzas (which you have some), but you shouldn't put paragraphs of 4 lines!
So, by what my teachers explained me in school, poetry is not done this way, so it would be better for you to review it.
PM me if you've done so.
keep writing!