He was seated shadowed from the towering skyscrapers. He waited patiently for his bright yellow bus to arrive. Large maples blocked any distant views. Giant signs lit up around him, rising from their long sleep. He swore he could smell the sewer and the tip; their horrid smells slowly travelled towards his nostrils and the burning gas burned his nose hairs. He was not far from his old rusted shed, which was now Ariel's home.
He walked every school day miles away from the rotten rusting ghettos, away from his family. He travelled there because the white were scared of the black, and so the white wouldn't travel towards the vultures, the black people.
Ariel was lucky to go to West Haven High School. He was only slightly white, but just white enough to be considered for attendance. His brothers and sister weren't so lucky.
Ariel was going to a school were their motto was: Making a brighter future, one full of white, one with no black. We teach our students about the war against our enemies, the black. Our true enemies are the Vultures.
However, Ariel was a Vulture.
How did this world become so full of hate? How did people become scared that everyone who was dark was like the evil ones? It was because of four letters: they hate us because of DAED.
Yet they were wrong; not every black man or women is like them. We are the same as you, we care for everyone.
*****
Two hundreds years prior when the war with DAED started, people were confused and shocked. Some called them Satan's helpers, as they killed infants, men and women. They destroyed whole communities, they were bent on destruction for their god 'Agag'.
The USA and its allies the United Kingdom, Germany,China and Japan all sought to bring DAED down. The Allies did the same as the USA did to Japan. They bombed the DAED with nuclear weapons, they destroyed every trace of DAED, along with every civilian in a ten thousand kilometre radius.
There was outrage at the carnage, but the Allies kept making more and more changes that they thought would lead to an everlasting peace. They destroyed religion, making it illegal, killing any who disagreed. People were unable to protest and stop these changes, because all the worlds superpowers supported the changes.
People thought the worst had happened, yet they were wrong. Not long after this the Allies released a chart, defining a white person. If you didn't fit within the new regulations, you were shipped off to giant ghettos, that were ruled by the white. It was a quick and firm move and whole communities were destroyed and families were torn apart..
They were called the Nazis of 23rd centenary, maybe they were.
****
Meet Ariel.
He who was half white and half dark and divided by his different ancestors.
Which side will he fight for? Which side should he fight for?
End of chapter
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140,381 Literary Works • 673,136 Reviews
Okay, firstly, this is really interesting. I like the idea and definitely think you could do something with it.
You need to be extremely careful, though because you are addressing the topics of racism and religion, both fertile grounds for unintentional insults. I know that the divide between white and black that you portray here is supposed to be a bad thing, but you still have to be really careful.
For example, although I found it highly amusing that DAED's god's name is 'gaga' spelled backward, it might offend some religious people.
I am far from an expert in this, so I can't tell you exactly what will and won't cause insult. Just tread carefully.
One other thing, though: if this is supposed to take place in the 23rd century, than Ariel won't be in a unique position at all. Mixed ancestry is already common today and will be even more so in 23rd century. In fact, it's unlikely they would be able to segregate based on race at all, just because so many people would be a mixed race.
Overall, you've got an interesting start that would probably make a great book. The ideas just need a little more clarification.
This is a very well written story; but there are just a few things I don't understand, one being that most of the things mentioned in that story happened about 60 years ago; so you have just told a story about segregation in the 1960s mixed with some history of the cold war. And could I just point out that segregation is now illegal under the human rights act.
Just a few grammar mistakes to point out; "Two hundreds years prior" the 'hundreds' should not have an 's' on the end, it's only ever there when we say 'hundreds of years ago'. " and firm move and
whole communities were destroyed and families were torn apart.." This was a different paragraph; just read through on the publishing page next time. (also, why is it all in italics?)
I would also suggest that you don't post stories about this on this site, some may find it offensive to not only to their skin color, but also what they feel might separate them in a community.
You are a good writer, it's just the concept of this story I don't get.
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Good points