I hear the choir singing in one accord,
peacefully, none abhorred.
All are united as one,
their chords beaming radiantly as the sun.
Those long passed, far gone,
sing in unison a new, joined song.
Both sing, the great and the small,
who in respective ages are made drunk by the same gall.
Rulers and those who reign,
sing with men once bound by chain.
Whether adorned with wealth hastily gained or a servant,
all persist, all are fervent.
Indeed, I hear a nation in one accord,
thankful to God for liberty none other may afford.
And this nation is a choir, peaceful and pleasant,
and within her there abides no peasant.
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Canary word: Present
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I really loved how it rhymed and flowed. You have really good vocabulary used in this. I kind of imagine this takes place at like Christmas or something. I think describing the chords like the sun is a really nice way to describe it, as some who plays the guitar I see the chords ringing and sort of continuing to ring like the sun fills our the sky or something. Is this like a fantasy singing or something? I think this is a really beautiful poem. Keep writing.
Thanks I definitely appreciate the feedback!
Hello! how are you doing today?
Well, I found this poem very interesting. Don't get me wrong, I did like the poem, but the setting I find interesting. you speak of a country where there is liberty thanks to God. I find this interesting because I believe you are talking about the U.S. I don't exactly agree with the viewpoints presented in this poem, the main one I disagree with is that "this nation is a choir, peaceful and pleasant." I disagree with this because I see oppression of multiple peoples throughout the history of the united states, and our modern day, while improving, is no where near this utopia the poem makes it out to be.
TLDR: I like the poem, however I disagree with some of the viewpoints within it.
I definitely agree that there are many disputes and things of that sort but this poem is really about the American dream. People who hate each other still want the same thing: liberty, freedom, and the pursuit of happiness. This poem definitely romanticizes America but the reason why is because I was thinking of the potential of the United States and the common interests of each citizen.
Hello! how are you doing today?
Well, I found this poem very interesting. Don't get me wrong, I did like the poem, but the setting I find interesting. you speak of a country where there is liberty thanks to God. I find this interesting because I believe you are talking about the U.S. I don't exactly agree with the viewpoints presented in this poem, the main one I disagree with is that "this nation is a choir, peaceful and pleasant." I disagree with this because I see oppression of multiple peoples throughout the history of the united states, and our modern day, while improving, is no where near this utopia the poem makes it out to be.
TLDR: I like the poem, however I disagree with some of the viewpoints within it.
Hello! Thanks for sharing this poem. I like the concept of the united choir. You've made it clear that it can encompass many people groups, and that idea of harmony is lovely.
I noticed you put effort into keeping up your rhyme scheme. Good job selecting rhyming words. I would recommend working on rhythm and meter, though. In spite of the fact that every two lines rhyme with each other, the flow of the poem doesn't feel consistent. This is something I have to work on in my poetry as well, and it can be difficult to do when there are specific things you want to say, but you have to try to fit it into lines that are equal (or approximately equal) in syllable number, consistent in the placement of accents, and so forth.
Once again, thanks for sharing this written work. Keep writing!
Thanks I appreciate it! Keeping a consistent flow was something I knew the entire process was going to be difficult so I will definitely keep that in mind for my other poems.