Dreary not sad,
Storm petals cover all
Gloomy not bad,
Somber showers fall
Washing away the old
Messengers of new
Awake to the frosty cold.
To those searching for forgotten gold,
Rain has no power,
It is set unto you.
to take the reins
and guide this horse
from the ever changing gale
and into the golden rays
of a Good-life's dazzling day.
There you shall stay, to tell all the tale
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140,635 Literary Works • 673,572 Reviews
HI,
BUT I have a few nit picks.
First of all, Great writing! I love a poem that dances, that is what yours does.
First one, You start with a good AbAb rhym scheme, then you stray from it and your rhyming goes all over the place. If you can it would be better to stay consistent or find away to smoothly transition the first rhyme scheme into a new rhyme scheme. BUT that is just me. Poetry is personal SO if you like it the way it is keep it that way.
"Washing away the old
Messengers of new
Awake to the frosty cold."
You might want to add a period or a semi colon at the end of "old". Otherwise it looks like you are saying, "Washing away the old messengers of new."
If that is what you meant than just ignore me
"Rain has no power,
It is set unto you.
to take the reins"
A Comma needs to go after "you"
That's all I have right now.
You poem has a nice adventurous and melancholic feeling to it. I like it a lot, if you can fix the errors without dismantling the feel of it you will have a really strong and beautiful poetic piece. ^.^
Thank you very much for your input, I need to double check grammar:)
Wow! Very nice. To me this seems like and old english poem (which is not a bad thing). I really enjoyed your, "Dreary not sad," and, "Gloomy not bad." Those two line drew me in to continue reading. My suggestion would be to find a way to separate this poem into stanzas. I personally think it makes an easier read.
That's all. Nice work!
Thanks bud! I appreciate all feedback.