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140,636 Literary Works • 673,573 Reviews
Hi there, Skye.
Here is my honest opinion. It's filled with good intentions.
I see what you're trying to do here, and it's interesting. I think, however, that this could use some polishing, and a little expansion.
For me, it seems like it tries too hard. You pick one idea and say that you wish you weren't it (obviously you think you aren't either of those things), but in the process, you kind of beat each idea to death. If I were you, I'd shorten the stanzas.
You need more topics in this poem. A sense of humor and bravery are only two things out of many. I think you might have a lot more substance in this poem if you continued with more things that you think you aren't.
I don't think this really belongs in the humor section. It kind of makes me sad that you don't think you're either of those things, actually. Humor doesn't seem the right category.
The poem seems a little haphazard, like you're pushing yourself to finish it without a lot of inspiration. Don't force things to come, just let them. I suggest if you want to do this to do a listy type free write. Listy things really help; in this case, find more subjects, and more ways to say them.
Also, I think you need more images in your poem. You don't have very many as it is, and none of them really stick. Try creating more vivid images. I want to be awed.
I hope that this review was helpful to you. Happy writing!
The assignment was to pick two subjects to write about. But the humor meant the stanza that is all about how I am so funny that blah blah blah. I don't really see how it is sad
I am not funny enough to bring people to the ground laughing so hard that they are in tears, nor am I brave enough to stop a bank robbery. The whole assignment in total was to pick two characteristics and stretch them to the maximum, I thought that I did really well compared to the examples. But thanks for your review.
The assignment was to pick two subjects to write about. But the humor meant the stanza that is all about how I am so funny that blah blah blah. I don't really see how it is sad
I am not funny enough to bring people to the ground laughing so hard that they are in tears, nor am I brave enough to stop a bank robbery. The whole assignment in total was to pick two characteristics and stretch them to the maximum, I thought that I did really well compared to the examples. But thanks for your review.
Just a spelling error here, : professional,
Otherwise its all good.
If I were not so funny, nobody would laugh until they cried, - this line with the double negatives I don't enjoy, try making it more straightforward like: If I were unfunny, or boring,
or be able to make kids shoot milk from their noses.- this line sounds funny after the last because it seems that the subject is the people laughing and now they can't make kids shoot milk out of their noses, or that's how I read it anyhow.
I think this would be nicer if they were both stanzas held the same amount of lines. It tends to get a bit wordy at the end.I also don't like sentences began with and, the word and can be removed before : all the authors throw money at me for help, whenever they see me they beg for autographs.
Basically just cut out the excess words and try to simplify it more