Silent Tears

Your feelings and the expression of them is ALWAYS valid, so I commend you on using a poetry as a form of expression, and being brave enough to share it with other people. I have to say that the poem lacks a little bit of technique and certain elements which you could have done. You can try to have the stanzas evenly distributed, which would already give your poem some balance. Also try to play with some other words and play around with the structure before posting. Poetry could, and should be edited till you feel it does justice to the emotions you where feeling when you wrote the piece. I look forward to more from you.

*H

This was a pretty deep poem. And I know it takes guts to share your feelings, so I'd like to congratulate you on that.
But...I feel that you could have shared it more effectively if your flow had more...well, flow. And I know that you may have been trying to chop it up a bit so that we'd have to re-read it, and thus absorb more meaning from it. But I think you might have overdid it just a little. One suggestion I'd like to make though, is that your last lines had the same amount of syllables. I feel that it would help the emotion and finality flow out of the words better. Keep in mind though it's just a suggestion, and I really do appreciate this poem's meaning.
Anyway, the only thing you need to work on is evening out your syllables and adjusting flow.
So, overal it's a good poem.
My rating: 3.5*s

Keep it up!

w&w

Hey Angel!

I don't really know why I chose your poem to review out of all others. Maybe because I could somehow relate to it in some ways.
I like your simple yet well-maintained rhyme scheme. And I also liked that you kept it short. The pathetically long rantings can snatch away the emotions at times, you know! The hope and slight trace of optimism towards the end made me feel relieved.
Now, I just want to make a few suggestions.

"These Silent Tears stream down my cheeks,
and I haven't smiled in what seems like weeks.

I sit in my room and stare at the wall
and I think about my life,
Damn I hate it all.(This sounded a bit choppy to me. Maybe you could have put it in a better way.)


I hate the blame,
and all the lies.
I hate the sadness,
How I wish I could die.(How about an exclamation mark here? You know, these are quite forceful words.)

I hope one day I can escape my fears,
But until that day I'll cry my silent tears.(Perfect ending. All's well that ends well! )"

I liked your poem in all. And there's always scope for improvement. So, keep writing, keep improving. And I promise, one day you will definitely 'escape your fears'. Good luck, Angel!

Anwesha

Hi there, Angel.

I'll keep this short and sweet and to-the-point, and I hope that's okay.

This poem disappoints me. While the concept and titular image are nice, your execution through old rhymes and empty images leave the sentiment sprawling, wanting more. So let's peel this apart and see what's beating in the center.

The initial image of "silent tears" is quality: a form of choking-sadness that keeps the despaired narrator silent while he cries. What we don't know is a.) why he's crying, b.) what happened to him regarding blame or lies, or c.) where this has brought him other than his room to cry. There's more to this than you've given, and I want exceedingly more information. Right now, I don't feel for this person because I don't know him, don't know his story, anything. To do this, pick at an old rule of thumb:

Show, don't tell.

You have a bit of a mix of the two in this piece, but sentiments in poetry don't call for balance, they call for quality and engrossment. So take the sentiment you've given us: silent tears. Expand it. Who causes your narrator pain? What did they do?

Now, as for your rhyme scheme!

I really wonder if you wrote this for the image, or if you wrote it to match the rhyme scheme. If the case is the latter, then rewrite. A poetic device should never out-priority meaning or image. Beyond that, I'm curious as to why you've fallen onto such easy, cliché rhymes.

wall/all
lies/die
fears/tears

If there is one rhyme in the English language I wish I could kill, it's fears/tears. It's so common in poetry that it's practically a pandemic. So I want you to try and weed it out. Find rich, beautiful words to replace these. Rephrase your sentences if you have to--restructure the entire poem if necessary. The rhyme that isn't so common or overused is "cheeks/weeks," and that's because the phonetic sound given from the words is a bit too bright for dark-emotional poetry. How can I tell this? You have to smile to say the words.

There's one bit that I do appreciate, and it's your ability to bring your ending into your beginning motif. Full-circle, all that jazz. I hope this is intentional, and that you're conscious of how this works. In extensive poetry that builds upon the first movement and expands, bringing the ending back in works to connect loose ends, to tie together fragmented ideas. And it can be beautiful if used correctly. In this case, it's a bit unnecessary, but that's because of the lack of meat in this piece.

All-in-all, a fair attempt. Keep improving and show me what you're made of. Let me know if you have any questions,

-Lumi